An increasing number of couples are NOT saying “I do” to kids at their weddings…

The clinking of glasses, the laughter echoing through a beautifully decorated hall, the joy radiating from the newlyweds – weddings are supposed to be a celebration of love, family, and commitment. But in recent years, a new trend has emerged that's causing a stir: child-free weddings.

On one hand, couples argue for the freedom to create a sophisticated, adult-oriented celebration. They cite the high cost of catering for additional guests, the potential for disruptions during important moments, and the desire for a more intimate atmosphere. On the other hand, some see this trend as a rejection of family, a celebration focused solely on the couple rather than the uniting of two families. They worry that excluding children sends a message that they are unwelcome or unimportant. The debate around child-free weddings is complex, with valid arguments on both sides. 

A Modern Shift in Wedding Culture
The shift towards child-free weddings is often linked to changes in societal attitudes. With the decline of religious ceremonies and the rise of more personalised celebrations, the focus has shifted from a communal event to a more individualistic approach. Weddings today can be seen as extravagant parties for the couple and their immediate social circle, rather than inclusive family gatherings.

Critics argue that this trend reflects a broader societal shift away from family values and towards personal gratification. They believe that weddings should be about uniting families and communities, not just about creating a picture-perfect Instagram moment. The exclusion of children, they say, is symptomatic of a culture that prioritises aesthetics and adult-centric entertainment over genuine family togetherness.

The Case for Child-Free Weddings
For many couples, a wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime event, a chance to create a celebration that reflects their personalities and preferences. They may envision a sophisticated dinner party with gourmet food and flowing conversation, or perhaps a night of dancing without worrying about nap times or spilled drinks.

The financial burden of a wedding is a significant factor. With venue rentals, catering costs, and entertainment often reaching astronomical heights, every guest adds to the bottom line. Choosing to forego children can allow couples to allocate more resources to other aspects of their special day.

Disruptions are another concern. Young children can be unpredictable, and their cries or energetic playfulness can disrupt the ceremony or speeches. For couples who prioritise a seamless and elegant event, child-free weddings provide a sense of control and predictability.

The Case Against Child-Free Weddings
Traditionally, weddings have been a celebration for the entire family. Excluding children can feel like a rejection of this tradition, a message that they are not part of the joyous occasion.

Children are often seen as symbols of new life and the future, their presence adding a special layer of meaning to the ceremony. Some argue that excluding them diminishes the sense of community and shared joy that weddings are meant to foster.

There's also the financial burden on parents. Hiring childcare for a wedding can be expensive, and some families may not be able to afford it on top of wedding attire and travel costs. This can create a feeling of exclusion and disappointment, especially for close family members with young children.

Diverse Opinions
Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to have children at a wedding is a personal one. Here are some diverse perspectives on this issue:

Tanvi “I am a mother myself and I have zero qualms about child-free weddings. My children are the centre of my universe. I don’t expect that they’re everyone else’s. I’ve seen many children be extremely disruptive and ruin weddings. Let’s be honest, kids will be kids. They don’t know any better. But if there’s a rise in child-free weddings, then it’s only the parents who are to blame. If you discipline your kids and stop them from being destructive hurricanes, then we wouldn’t be seeing child-free weddings”.

Jerusha “If my children are not invited, that’s completely fine. As someone who got married, I know how difficult the whole invitation process is. So if my kids have to be excluded so that some adults can be invited, why not? Besides, as parents, it’s nice to spend time with our partners at such events without the stress of having to watch over the kids. If I have no one to keep my kids with, then I have always politely declined ahead of time and stayed back. Other times my husband and I take turns attending the event while the other stays back to take care of the kids”.

Nadia “Completely agree. A wedding and the guests are up to the couple. It’s the couple’s choice to have a child-free wedding and if a guest doesn’t agree then please RSVP and stay home. I’ve been to child-free weddings and they have been so beautiful, peaceful and lovely. I wanted a child-free wedding but unfortunately, there was one menace of a baby who cried during the ENTIRE time we were exchanging vows. It was a small wedding so all they caught on camera was a wailing child.” 

Yasodhara “Totally wrong. Marriage is about community not about the pictures and the "insta-vibe". People have completely lost the meaning of weddings and marriage now and have made it a circus focusing on money, status and Insta worthiness. We need to get back to what it all means. And all members of society should be included in that sense of community.”

Shenali “I attended a wedding recently where kids continuously ran over the bride’s train and tugged at it while she walked to the alter. The stunning train had dirty shoe marks all over it. And one child grabbed it so hard, he managed to hurt the bride and the bride’s hair came loose! I must mention that the children’s parents found it cute and adorable. The rest of us absolutely did not. The bride tried to be a trooper about it, but the tears in her eyes were unmistakable. The bride had to be taken to a side to fix her hair by her cousins. It looked quite bad since none of them were professionals. 

Taliya “It’s the entitlement of some parents, for me. I don’t know how they can demand that their kids be invited to an event they aren’t paying for. Weddings nowadays cost an arm and a leg. My fiance and I decided to go for a small, simple wedding to cut costs,  but everything was still super expensive. And the last thing I want is kids ruining the day for me”.

Dinara “I know someone who had to pay the hotel a huge amount since some kids toppled the beverage tower and it stained the carpet. The hotel said that removing the stain would make the carpet inconsistent in colour and that they would have to replace the carpet entirely from overseas. It was a nightmare. The families couldn’t afford this money and had to sell things to cover the cost. Meanwhile, the parents of the children refused to help or take any accountability. That was the day I decided I would not have kids at my wedding. And now, as a mother myself, I feel the same”.

Stephanie “My cousin invited kids to her wedding, and it was shocking how many parents simply do nothing while their kids are tearing the place down, including the decor. A baby was howling during the ceremony, and nobody could hear a word. The parents also made zero effort to do something about it. My newborn also started to get cranky and was about to start crying when I immediately rushed him out of the room so as to not disturb anything. It’s that easy to be considerate”.

Sara “People who demand that their kids are included infuriate me to no end. It reeks of entitlement. Child-free weddings are not selfish. If anything, you’re selfish for expecting us to make our day about you and your kids”.

Charitha “When I was a child, I loved weddings. The thrill of seeing the bride walk down the aisle, the dancing, my cousins and friends – these are very happy memories. Excluding children from weddings is essentially saying that they are an inconvenience. Something else about weddings is that they are all about community. And what’s a sense of community without any kids? I think we must not strive for child-free weddings. But I understand the costs involved. And I think many parents also need to do better in terms of discipline. Don’t let your children ruin someone’s day”.