Courting, coquetry, wooing whatever name it takes, flirting will remain one of the most emphatic human interactions causing drastic changes on both physiological and psychological levels. Increased heartbeat and accelerated sympathetic arousal are just a gist of the overwhelming effect the act of flirting has on the human condition.
Flirting is known best as an expression of sexual intention and involves a variety of subtleties and outright gestures. The beauty of flirting is in the sheer magnitude of factors that contribute to and occur parallel to an otherwise very innocuous interaction between couples with little regard to who they are.
Outside of fear and anger flirting has the most evident of physiological indications as social interactions go, succeeding in placing a person under a mild but evident sympathetically aroused state. Common indicators include flushed skin, choppy breath and difficulty in regulating vocal pitch. The collective state of these indicators pave way to the uncomfortable yet very exciting state of light headed confusion that we find ourselves in when speaking to a person we find attractive.
The act of flirting is critical to the success of forming an intimate relationship with the object of your desire. So much so that at initial encounters flirting serves the purpose of taking scale with regard to facets that need be qualified to be seen as a fitting partner. Attraction and comfort are the operating themes of flirting displayed by a variety of methods subjective to individuals. However a few factors remain the golden rules of flirting.
Eye Contact
The eyes are said to be the doorway to the soul, whether or not this claim holds true, eyes are definitely the doorway to flirting. Most relationships start long before the first words are spoken when eyes are first laid and locked. Eye contact is the first green light which when held for a second longer than necessary is one of the clearest tells of interest. Beyond first glances eyes continue to be the most powerful tool for flirting conveying very strong messages on a sub conscious level. The rule of thumb is to maintain eye contact when listening but to avert the glance slightly more when talking, the reason for averting your gaze being that subtlety and intensity is a fine line that needs to be walked perfectly. Too much eye contact sends out a needy signal while too little is a distracted and impolite gesture.
Conversation
The content of conversation is possibly the pitfall where most find themselves taunted by the gravity of rejection when it comes to forming intimate relationships. The main mistake to avoid is bragging about one’s self. No one wants to hear your life story on a first date or meeting, save the auto biography for later. The element of mystery is the primary concern when talking too much about yourself while boring your target of affection is another risk at large. Dead conversations are also big turn offs especially since women appreciate a man who can keep a conversation going, a clear indicator of confidence.
Body Language
Body language is possibly the most talked about aspect of dating second probably only to breath mints. There’s nothing I can say that isn’t already out there, but the important thing is to understand the criticality of body language and ensuring that you reciprocate suitably to her body language. While a man who comes on too strong is a sure turn off, a man who makes no move is also unattractive. Leave reservation out of the equation, move past the touch barrier if you find her doing the same. Women are said to be much better at reading body language than men are so chances are she is well aware of what message she’s projecting (there are exceptions) so don’t be scared to move in if you find her hand on your arm very often.
The Maybe Game
The ‘maybe game’ is something that men are very weak at playing; due to the need to establish things. Just so he can revel in the glory of having conquered her. The thing is women love the mystery of a maybe as opposed to a defiant yes. Most times they will replace an obvious yes with a tell tale maybe. The trick is in playing the same game and not confirming things too fast, the result of which is to seem too needy.
Article by Dilshan Senaratne
This article is a result of the author’s own research into the subject and is not to be taken as a professional viewpoint.
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