A women, in consultation with her doctor, utters a quite familiar statement; “Doctor, I’m afraid I’m pregnant”. The feeling of familiarity of the words, the expression on her face, the held down hysteria in her manner implied that she really was afraid. How many of us have actually gone through the stage of fear during pregnancy? Sometimes, women admit that they are afraid and naturally these are the easiest to help. However, the woman who breaks a doctors heart are those who insist gaily that nothing is bothering them, nothing at all, while terror sits in their eyes. 

 

 

Doctors have known for a long time that fear is a medical problem. It causes, in the beginning, a variety of physical disturbances ranging from an irregular beating heart to indigestion; some researches think that over a long period of time the stress of fear can lead to heart trouble and possibly even cancer. In addition to the havoc it causes in the human body, fear strangles personality, murders logic, humour, and the ability to love. A woman swamped by fear functions badly, moving tensely about her home or job and flying into tear rages over spilled milk or crumpled paper. Fear is a woman’s greatest menace. It can defeat her mind and body; it is as corrosive as acid and comes in a hundred shapes and sizes.

 

A woman knows from her childhood that she very likely will become a mother. She puts the thought aside and goes ahead with her adolescence, her marriage. Then one day she finds she is pregnant. She can’t turn back and she doesn’t know what lies ahead. She feels trapped, with no control over her destiny. If we hunt a little deeper we’ll find that the difficulty probably lies in the woman’s reluctance to accept the responsibility which this pregnancy will bring. No longer can she be carefree and dependent. She must grow up, share her husbands love, and nurture their child. Sometimes a woman will say she is afraid of the pain of childbirth. The pain of childbirth isn’t sufficient to justify nine months of panic. Many women believe that the pain of childbirth is the most severe pain known to mankind, but it isn’t. It is a minor pain next to the pain of kidney stones, for example. Some women fear their pregnancy because they can’t afford another child. Nevertheless, it is senseless to hate your husband, hate the pregnancy, and hate even the unborn child because this happened. Accept it. There will be help if you need it. There will be people to assist you. Besides, that particular child maybe the greatest comfort of your life- the most beautiful, sweetest, the most intelligent of all your children. Don’t begrudge him life.

 

Another fear a number of mothers-to-be go through is the fear of ‘running out of luck’. This is perceptual to women who are pregnant with their fourth, fifth (or even further down the line) child. A mother of three normal and healthy children has a feeling of eminent doom about her fourth child. She feels the law of averages is about to catch up with her and present her with an abnormal baby. Or else, she’s certain that she won’t survive another delivery. She envisions her three children growing up motherless and forlorn. In either case, she has nine months case of jitters, which is a long time to be apprehensive. Medical history reports have indicated that three normal babies and three normal deliveries practically guarantees a fourth normal baby and a fourth normal delivery. Another woman who suffers acutely from fear during pregnancy is the one who has had an abnormal baby. She must face the fact that she will be afraid in her waking moments and in her nightmares. She is going to worry until she sees her baby and counts every toe and finger. The best advice to them is to worry out loud, talk it over with their doctors every time their concern becomes acute, discuss it with their husbands everyday, if necessary. Talk it out. You’re helpless to do anything to change the baby; make sure you don’t let fear harm you. 

 

 

Another massive reason for a woman being afraid to have a baby is the absence of a legal husband. Face it; the challenges will be hard but you’ll emerge from this a better woman. Whether married or unmarried, the experience of having a baby is something which in itself can be the most wonderful experience of a lifetime. Some mothers give their baby up for adoption. Most people look at this aspect in a form of negativity. There are many women who cannot conceive, yet they look for a way in completing their life. If they don’t see adopting as a wrong doing, then you don’t have to feel bad about it. It’s the light to be found in the darkness that 

seems total. However, that is perceptual only as the last motive. Because there’s nothing more beautiful than a child in the warmth of his own mother. Unmarried pregnant women must stop looking for a way out. Realistically, there is no argument for interrupting a pregnancy unless the life of the mother is at stake. This pregnancy may be the only one the woman will have; this unborn child may be a great human being; he may be an unexceptional person who, in a moment of reflex, performs an enormous service to mankind. 

 

 

The last category of pregnant women menaced by fear is the women who had a difficult delivery with her first baby. Everyone hears how many hours she was in labour, how many stitches were taken, and how much blood was transfused. “Never again!” she’ll announce vehemently. Subsequently, when she does become pregnant again, she performs a tantrum! She also gives her husband a heavy time of it, under the biologically unsound assumption that she had no part in the conception. All kinds of other resentment towards her husband can be highlighted with this weapon. Incidentally, it is recorded that women who have a tough time with their first delivery often have a fantastically easy time with their second. 

 

All women who experience fear over a long period in their pregnancy will suffer various symptoms. They will have heartburn, indigestion, constipation, palpitations and, probably, a longer labour. 

 

The best advice is; never try to pretend you aren’t afraid. Don’t suffer twinges of discomfort in silence just to show how courageous you are. Most importantly, don’t keep this to yourself. Your husband’s understanding will be your cure. A woman can face any fear as long as she isn’t alone.  

 

 

(Compiled by Jessica Lord)