Some eBay sellers thrive on our bad decisions and drunken purchases. Afterall, who in their right minds would purchase a product or service for wayy more than it actually retails, and acquire heaps of pointless junk? We do, apparently. You know what they say - one man's trash is another man's treasure, right? Which goes to show that the sellers are actually pretty darn smart and strike while the iron is hot, while the same cannot be said of us buyers.
A favourite of online shoppers, eBay is one of the most popular ways to buy and sell goods (new or second hand) and services on the Internet. Over the years, eBay has included a few rather "illustrious" listings, if we may. From "the meaning of life" to Cristiano Ronaldo to New Zealand (yes, EXACTLY what you're thinking) to Britney Spears hair. Turns out, New Zealand couldn't be sold without consent from its people. Continuing in the same vein, many of the listings above were taken down for violating eBay's policy. (You almost COULD have purchased Cristiano. And you totally would have been reading this with him by your side. Think about that.)
It is safe to say that eBay is an interesting page to browse on that lazy sunday afternoon when you have nothing better to do. So, armed with plenty of free time and a debit card with a measly balance as a deterrent for making stupid purchases we'd later regret, we typed in “weird stuff” in eBay's search bar. For research purposes, obviously. Well, colour us surprised! A vast majority of the top results included "A day in my life" where appropriately clothed women promised 15-20 ish pics of their day as well as bonus "not so innocent" pics to the highest bidder. Do not despair - we DID actually find some interesting listings that caught our eye. A few were questionable, some downright weird, and others almost had us grabbing the debit card, which thankfully, was in a pretty sad state.
• “Stainless steel male chastity device”
We could see why this would pique the interest of countless women. What better way to keep tabs on the men in your life - among other things - than with this disturbingly interesting contraption?
• “Lot of 7 teeth for research or crafts”
This seller hadn’t sold any teeth at the time we checked. Are we surprised? Of course not. But we’re totally grossed out.
• “Funny a** joke sign”
This is the kind of thing you’d purchase if you were bored, drunk or high. Because, why not?
• “Freaky strange men 20s vintage photo”
Vintage photographs are all the rage. But this strange and creepy photo may give you nightmares. Just saying. Which is also probably why no one had bid on any.
• “WTF What the F*%k Red Slam Button”
We think this is pretty great. And with 400+ sold, we’re clearly not the only ones who agree. According to the seller “Smack the button, and 1 of 10 hilarious zingers are played loud and clear. The word is bleeped, sounds of explosions, car horn, etc., so it is not offensive to people. Great to give to your boss for his desk for every time someone messes up!”
• “Shock lighters”
“This item produces a mild to a strong shock.” Would we bid on this? You bet! Just goes to show that boredom and eBay don’t mix.
• “Grow-A-Girlfriend”
We think the product description speaks for itself: “Hate your girlfriend? Want a girlfriend? Finally you can and now with no nagging, no pms, no stupid questions like "do I look fat?" You can now finally watch your Sunday football game in peace. Yup, none of that crap with this grow girlfriend! Measures 2" & 1/2 inches and can grow in water up to 600% larger! Just add water and watch it grow! Once you're done leave it out and it will shrink back to the original size, so you can use this over and over again! Please note: not for human consumption.” Yeah okay.
• “Vintage 1948 Preserved Alien in a Jar with Egg”
Priceless product description. We couldn’t do any justice to it if we tried. “This is an alien from Roswell, New Mexico, preserved in a jar with an unhatched egg. The alien appears to have been born alive, as it has it's eyes open. The egg is preserved and never hatched. Maybe it will hatch at some future time. There's a lot of info we don't know about this stuff. The jar is a very old one, half-pint size, with a glass liner. The item will be shipped without liquid inside due to USPS rules. Just add water (not plasma) and it will last forever. Please use the zoom-in photo feature to see the details up close.”
• 6 ADULT Embarrassing Prank Envelopes
Another item that’s pretty tempting, but for US$7.95, we think we’ll print our own.
By Rihaab Mowlana
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