Jan 31 2014.
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Helicopter Parents: Helping or hindering children’s growth?
I came across this term while reading up on what is known as Generation Y (Gen Y) which is the new generation in the work place these days.
It seems that the parents of Gen Y’s and also possibly to a greater extent of the generation after them (Gen O) are what is defined as ‘helicopter parents’. Why ‘helicopter’ … well basically because these parents are always hovering around.
Is this a good or bad thing? Well I guess this depends to a great extent on the extent of the hovering isn’t it!
Why parents feel it is necessary to hover
I think this is due to multiple reasons:
1 - Lots of parents these days or at least one of the parents (mother or father) seem to have a lot of time on their hands. It could be a result of the fact that many people these days are self employed or enjoy flexible hours, therefore giving them more time to be involved in their children’s activities.
2 - It could be, from a desire to ensure the child has the very best chance at life (of course all parents want this for their child) and therefore feel that the best way this could be accomplished is to shield the child from all adversity, and fight for the child, and on behalf of the child, in all things.
3 – It could be because we feel the need to constantly propel the child forward to over-achieve … no matter if the child has a particular skill or not. In essence keeping up with the Jones’s or in this case the Perera’s.
4 – It could also be with the aim of living their own childhood through the achievements of their children. For example many parents may feel “I couldn’t pass a music exam, be a cricketer, etc, when I was a child, but I wanted to … so maybe I could re-live my youth - but through my children”.
Impact on the child
I think that a parent spending more time with a growing or teenage child could definitely be a positive thing in the child’s growth, but like all things I don’t think it should go to extremes.
I wonder if some of you have heard the classic tale of a school in Japan, doing a production of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
As the story goes there is ‘one’ snow white and ‘seven’ dwarfs. But in this particular production there were actually 6 little girls playing the part of Snow White. Why, because 6 sets of parents absolutely insisted that their little girl be Snow White … so the school bowed down.
Ridiculous you think?
We also hear of parents interfering in coaches decisions regarding the composition of teams and sometimes even get involved in resolving disputes between children of the same age and in this case the parents of the children end up ‘fighting’ with each other! Ridiculous?
Parents also sometimes seem to be pulling up teachers, for pulling up their children, when they need to be pulled up (the children I mean)!
Ridiculous?
It seems also that some children are growing up thinking and feeling that anything they do should be rewarded … no matter if they succeed or do not succeed at the task.
This whole idea of ‘everyone’s a winner’ and you will be rewarded even if you just show up! Should this indeed be the case … should we not indeed differentiate between mediocre and fantastic performances … should everyone be rewarded?
When children having these thoughts grow up and enter the workforce they end up expecting the same ‘rewards’ from their manager as well … and here they will be disappointed.
They will not be rewarded for just showing up!
And finally what about the parent who is constantly propelling the child forward to overachieve? Have we considered the pressure on the child! Have we considered that the child may end up burning out early or worse!
And most importantly what about the child’s well … childhood! Shouldn’t the child have time on his (her) hands just for himself (herself) … to do whatever he (she) feels like … dare I say it … to just ‘play’. After all, this time will never come again isn’t it?
The childhood once over is really over.
To hover or not
I think a nurturing parent could well be a blessing to the child but without the pressure and without over shielding the child from reality.
After all, the child will face reality at some point in the workforce, and if at that point they have never stood up for themselves, never fought their own battles, never had to figure out how to do something for themselves and therefore be independent that child or now adult will indeed be at a disadvantage.
Sanjeev Jayaratnam – [BSc (Hons) First Class, MBA, MBCS, CEng] is a visiting lecturer at the University of Moratuwa and the Post Graduate Institute of Management, University of Sri Jayewardenapura. He previously also lectured at IIT, IIHE, SLIIT and APIIT. He is the CEO of Revelations Professional Education and a partner of the Revelations Academy. And the choral director / leader of ‘The Revelations’ ranked #4th in world in 2008. He can be reached on [email protected]
0 Comments
Observer says:
Feb 01, 2014 at 12:00 amVery Good article indeed. This topic is certainly worth discussing in every house hold with young children......sometimes even with older children who are still depending on their parents and the parents constantly "hovering" over them. How can the children turn out to be responsible adults if you do not allow them to learn through mistakes?