“The Attitude above Altitude”

Air travel can be an ordeal for some, especially those who travel in economy class; cost effective, yet congested with the added value of the stinky feet of the neighbour. It can be comfortable in Business Class, having the privilege of reclining the seat fully flat into bed, or it can be luxurious for the ones who travel in first class, with all the what-not facilities the airlines offer them for thumping amounts of money.

No matter how many different flights we do, how many different people we meet, which class they travel, most passengers have some attitudes in common.  Passengers have their peculiar ways of asking, responding and behaving once they get in to an aircraft. I experience similar attitudes from different people every day. However on today’s flight, I had them all.

Type A-   MY bag is YOUR problem!

As I recollect from boarding, some air travelers, just love to leave their bags to be lifted up by air hostesses. The simple reason being, after dragging it along from home to the airport, through security channels and all the way to the aircraft, now they know, “Oh this bag is so heavy!” So if it is heavy for you, it is heavy for your stewardess as well.

Unless it is for the feeble or elderly,  an air hostess would not lift up a 20kg bag which should have been in the cargo hold in the first place. And this includes the passengers who leave 5 inches of their bags popping out of the lockers, knowing it doesn’t fit in there.

Type B- Until death do me and my mobile phone part!

Right after boarding is done it is time to secure the cabin for takeoff and due to safety reasons mobile phones have to be switched off. However, I had this adolescent passenger who couldn’t be parted with his new Iphone 4 S and kept on switching it on once the crew passes down.

It doesn’t matter if it is an age old brick mobile, or the latest smart phone, the pilots can get wrong readings in their equipments if dozens of people wants to make phone calls, or  tweet during takeoff.

Type C- Seat belt sign means “STAND UP!”

The captain switches on the seat belt sign when expecting turbulence on the way for passenger safety.  This type decides they need to use the lavatory during this time. When we just landed, even though we are not anywhere near the parking gate, they have this need to stand up and pull out their bags while the aircraft is still moving.

This is a critical time where most potential aeroplane emergencies could occur. Also the aircraft doors don’t open until the aero bridges are fixed. After a long journey it is not worth risking your own safety, by being ignorant to the seat belt sign.

Type D- “What?” is my answer for everything

I offered a passenger his cup of coffee and asked “would you like some milk & sugar?” He said “What?” I said, “Coffee with milk?”  He said “What?” and finally “Would you like it Black or White?” again the response was a perplexed “black?” I wish if I could tell these passengers who make me rephrase the same question more than 3 times, I have hundreds more people to serve.

Type E- This is not an aircraft it is a fine dining restaurant 30000ft above!

The Passengers who fall under this category have very odd requests, and this type is always onboard.  One passenger asked for White Chicken only, one needed the steak medium rare and the other wanted the “CHEF” to add french-fries to the dish. If you have any dietary requirements most airlines do offer pre- ordering special meals.

As all of these meals are prepared 48 hours before and immediately chilled and eventually heated up in the ovens by air hostesses.

The Coffeeholics also fall under this type. The maximum I can offer a passenger is the instant hot chocolate or just tea or coffee or a cappuccino if the aircraft has a machine installed. I got requests for “Caramel Macchiato’, “Vanilla Latte” and even “Campfire Mocha”! None of the airlines have an on- air Starbucks service as far as I know.

Type F- I never grew out of Kindergarten!

Xenophobia is the fear of foreigners or strangers. Once onboard many people behave like this in spite of having this syndrome or not.  There requests are similar to kindergarten whimpers “Can you tell him to put his seat up?”,“Can you ask her not to push me?” “Can you ask him to come out of the loo?” I am an air hostess not a preschool teacher!

Type G- My baby’s diaper smells so good!

After changing a few hundred nappies for their baby, I am sure they do get immune to the aftermath.  However today there was this rare type who actually handed me a soiled baby diaper as a precious diamond! Some people even hand over their sick bags full of vomit to the crew hand, what they should be thinking is “Would I touch somebody else’s S****?”

Type H- A pen is too heavy to carry!

Towards the end of the flight, once it is time to fill up immigration forms, there were hundreds of people asking us for pens.  If I have already given all the complimentary pens away, including my own pen, they get frantic and would conveniently continue not to carry a pen on their next flight as well.

And finally the Type that I meet everyday- My vocabulary excludes “Thank You, Please or Goodbye!”

Bidding farewell with a constant smile is part of my job, and I do it with pride, so seeing the smiles on most of the passenger’s faces or a simple thank you keeps me motivated, and I couldn’t care less about others who simply don’t know good manners.

Love, Dany