I got into this conversation last week and needless to say the conversation turned into a heated debate and it’s easy to see why, the concept of settling and reaching is obscure at best and tends to be a scary thought at worst. Even though the argument ended when the others in the group got annoyed with our bickering it got me thinking, there must be a reason why we stay so blissfully unaware of the settler-reacher issue at hand. Well it eventually hit me and here’s my two cents on the matter. 

 

While every relationship will have a settler and inevitably a reacher, the benefits for the reacher are obvious to any numb skull but the baffling part of the equation is why the settler isn’t running in search of better opportunity. Well it’s all around us, the hot girl with the fatty and the hunk dating the chubby chick, while financial factors and social determinants might explain some parts, the larger part of it stays shrouded in mystery.

 

So here’s my take in it and a few benefits that I think the settlers thrive on when they go for someone way below their league.

 

 

Appreciation

 

Think about that girlfriend you had when you were a pock marked kid in high school (or secondary school as us Sri Lankans call it), the insanely hot one you spent hours in bed wondering what you did to deserve her. Well I’m sure you also remember all the effort you put into keeping her in the relationship, the constant sweet messages and phone calls and the best behaviour and expensive gifts.

 

Now turn the situation around, in a way what most of us really want in life is a little appreciation and it just might stand to reason that when we settle we are more appreciated than we ever were and that motivates us to be comfortable with our reacher.

 

 

 

 

The appreciation sex

 

Nothing feels better than sex which focuses largely on you. While it might sound selfish, it also is true that sex with a heavy focus on yours truly tends to be quite thrilling. Not to mention all the special effort your partner puts into making all your fantasies come true. Appreciation sex is pleasurable and is also a huge ego trip owing to the compliments and raving reviews.

 

 

Opinion

 

People will now honestly believe you when you say you look into personality and that it’s not all about the looks. It’s believed that people with less attractive partners are more genuine since they have clearly given more priority to personality. Well it might not be the biggest perk but it’s something.

 

 

 

Relatable and reliable

 

This is a half baked one but I’ll just throw it in anyway, it’s easier to be friends with people when you don’t come across as some superficial snob who’s dating a girl from some pin up magazine. While being envied is a lot of fun, it’s easier to be comfortable with people when they feel that they can relate to you.

 

 

 

Security

 

Oh this one is so true. Imagine being the guy who walks into a place with the hottest girl in the room, while that might be a lot of fun in the rare occasion, it isn’t the greatest thing to

know that every man in the room is undressing your girlfriend in his head.

 

Yes the mean looking boxer at the bar too. The problem with a super attractive girlfriend is that she will always turn heads and once the men are done appreciating her beauty they’ll look at you as the obstacle in their way.

 

 

Low maintenance

 

Do I even need to explain this any further? Just calculate how much all the beauty products and facials and yoga classes and fancy dinners are going to cost you.

 

Beautiful women have grown up knowing that their beauty will get them places and they tend to spend a lot of time and money maintaining their looks, all that is great except on most occasions we’re talking about your money and their time. 

 

 

Relax

 

You can really let go! I mean imagine keeping up with that hot girl, it’ll cost you time, money and energy; resources spent better having a good time with your reacher girlfriend. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By Dilshan Senaratne