Everyone invariably gets their heart broken at multiple instances in their lives and the same individuals often break many a heart in their long running campaigns to find that special someone.

These failed attempts at establishing eternity are often cited as minor setbacks in the journey that is the pursuit of happiness much later in life however at the point of its occurrence these minor setback because major avalanches from which many recover with highly numbered casualties.

An important aspect of failed relationships is the difficulty certain relationships pose at their apocalyptic destination while others pass us by with little remorse. My attempt to investigate research that is already available in the field with regard to this phenomenon failed miserably causing me to hypothesize a few theories of my own in addition to the limited established ones I came across.

Before we get into the actualities of the topic, it’s important to eliminate a myth that exists on the reasoning of why certain breakups hit us harder than others. The most widely accepted explanation given is that sometimes we leave and at other times we are left, implying that the person ending the relationship will find better fortunes in moving past the relationship while he/she that is left behind will wallow in the pit of misery that they’ve been left in.

This myth isn’t completely unfounded, however, the actual mechanism is much more complex than the act of breaking it off as anyone who’s had a run-in with a forcer will tell you. A forcer is someone who compels you to make their decisions hence achieving their desired result without getting their hands dirty.

Within context this involves the type of individuals who have moved beyond a relationship with absolute certainty but refuses to acknowledge the reality in a bid to force his/her partner to sever the threads of courtesy by which they hang; at which point they will stick to their character portrayal of the victim and wallow in their misery and anguish. In such instances the largely regarded myth falls short of explaining the misery of the partner who called the end.

 

Hot Air Balloons

The theory of hot air balloons was brought forward by Dr. Jeremy Sherman in an article dated 26th May 2012 in which he discusses and theorizes the two established concepts that are available on the topic.

The hot air balloon theory compares individuals to soaring balloons that eventually perish or cease to exist, but within their life span the altitude of flight lies on a scale; the higher being a heightened sense of wellbeing while the lower closer to the ground is a relative lack of wellbeing or a lower level thereof.

In the situation of relationships individuals will gauge the quality of their lives in relation to their exes and should their altitude be perceived as lower than that of their exes they will find it difficult to move on as their self esteem comes under direct attack even though they may very well have a decent level of altitude from the ground.

Perceptual Bias
 

This is a personal theory which in reality is just an add-on to the previous one. A negative perceptual bias is any altered state of perception which might contribute to an individual perceiving reality in a perversely distorted perspective in which the dark clouds are darker than they really are.

So in applying this to the previous theory regardless of whether or not an ex lover is doing better an individual will tend to grant the benefit of the doubt to his/her exes quality of life over his thus making it harder to face reality as it is.

Endorphins

Endorphin is the second explanation forwarded by Dr. Sherman in explaining the difficulty of moving beyond certain relationships. Endorphin is the body’s naturally occurring pain killer which subsides stressing situations in a manner that makes life tolerable. Love causes an overdose of Endorphin which elevates one’s state of mind.

According to Dr. Sherman, certain relationships may grant higher levels of Endorphin dependent on behavioral factors and the stressors faced within the given frame of time and space thereby causing a greater craving when the Endorphin supply gets hindered. This could be compared to the withdrawal symptoms exhibited by addicts when their supply of Morphine is run out.

Next Contestant

On yet another original addition to Dr. Sherman’s theory of Endorphin and attachment, it may be plausible to theorize that the impact a breakup has on an individual is dependent on whether or not he/she is able to find a replacement that suits his/her tastes. The cut off Endorphin supply could be refueled, offered in low doses or given in much higher doses thus ensuring successful completion of the break up blues. After all its said that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else  

Oxytocin

Oxytocin, more commonly known as the love chemical, is a hormone that primarily acts as a neurotransmitter in humans. Indications of the chemical use is said to be linked to pair bonding, maternal anxiety, social behavior and most importantly to empathy. The findings are based on neurobiological research and are open to interpretation, for the purpose however it could be interpreted as follows.

Oxytocin shows significant links to satisfaction gained through social interactions and social behaviors so much so that lack of Oxytocin is cited as a reason for sociopathic behavior. Certain individuals due to genetic similarity and other reasons may cause higher levels of Oxytocin release in their partners thus the break of these relationships may cause a larger void in an individual’s life. Oxytocin is also linked to feelings of contentment and elation.

(By Dilshan Seneratne)