To Toss or To Keep - That is the Question
Nov 15 2011.
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You know how people advise you, “It’s better to “WAIT”, until the right person comes along? Doesn’t that absolutely kill you when you have been “WAITING” for the last million years for that knight in shining armor, who has lost his way to you? But, you will hate me for saying so, WAITING for the right person to come is imperative without jumping headlong into a relationship that will scatter your heart all over the world.
Relationships are risky honey. Especially when you are looking for that one fit, to fit your heart, to share your life, to share your dreams and to build a future. So let’s say, finally, the dashing knight has found his way (somehow) to you. Maybe one fine day, the guy will at some point in time, drop down on one knee and say… those magical words…. Will you….? Hold on one second.. How do you know this is the real McCoy or whether he is a Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde type of guy.
Don’t let the butterflies fool you and drown out your good sense. Take a step back and analyse…
Respect is key. Does he agree when you say ‘no’ to the vital decisions you make as a couple? Popular myth says, when girl says no, it means yes… if that is how your guy responds to you when you set down your boundaries and come crashing like a bull in a China shop – well girl friend – you need to take that bull by the horns and teach him some good manners. If the guy respects you, he will see you eye to eye and agree and respect why you said no. That’s a keeper.
You are at Carnival one fine day with your best buds who happen to be male. Your knight in shining armor walks in and sees you giggling over ice cream with your pals… does he make a complete donkey of himself, froth and fume and grab you by the hair and toss you over his shoulders and carry you off like a brute or does he trust you enough to just mingle? Jealousy – everyone’s got a bit of it and that’s a healthy dosage. But too much of it breeds mistrust.
Kith and kin of trust is honesty. If he fibs and blurts out a few white lies to cover him where the sun doesn’t shine? That’s a sure fire no-no. The next time he says he has a meeting with a client and you see him dazzling his pearly whites at a woman who is not you, in a coffee shop which is not his office – your dude has integrity issues. Either he needs to sort himself out or you need to show him the door.
Everyone needs someone to lean on, especially to share and halve the burdens. In a healthy relationship, when times get bad, and life turns topsy-turvy – in a healthy relationship, couples need support from each other. The right person would stand beside you during the good days as well as the bad days.
Does he give you room to make decisions? Or does he always have his way? Are the scales balanced when it comes to equality? If he wants to be on top of everything – then he wants to be the boss of you and not your equal.
Don’t merge identities. Go out with your girlfriends, have your ’me’ time, let him have his guy times. If he is always in your hair twenty four seven – he needs to get a life. Buy him a dog if he doesn’t have a social life outside of you. At least you will have breathing space when he takes the dog for a walk. Retain your own identity. Have your own breathing space or you will suffocate and die (not literally).
Talk. I know women don’t need much encouragement here, but when couples fight, both man and woman, tend to go into “read my mind” mode. If you want to know if your relationship is good to go, then both of you should be having great communication skills.
So… what are you waiting for? Go analyse.
(Text by Rishani Sittampalam)
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