Jul 20 2012.
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The friendzone is a much talked about topic in modern dating contexts, with articles ranging from avoiding the situation to climbing out of it. Most internet gurus are swearing by a supposedly tried and tested method of avoiding the friend zone by following principles that more often than not translate to being a detached emotionally stunted jerk.
As unbecoming as it is the system works, and results are almost guaranteed if not for the isolated freak accidents. These systems are designed to stimulate and manipulate evolutionary weaknesses in the female psyche, momentarily causing a state of confusion which is either misinterpreted by her as sexual chemistry or is suggested as that by the male.
The problem however is in the sustainability of these systems when it comes to operating them over longer periods of time. The underlying rift that these gurus don’t reveal is the highly unstable relationship that is formed beyond the initial sexual encounter.
The designs that are now popularized by a community that identifies itself as “pick up artists”, depend on evolutionary psychological principles to exploit primal needs in female mentalities that are tuned in to pick up on the frequencies highlighted by these love systems as they are now known.
Most pioneering love systems are based on a three stage model of attraction, comfort and seduction. For those unfamiliar with the concepts, they mainly involve three stages of rapport building which places emphasis on the three said characteristics through carefully planned out actions. The end result being that a subconscious attraction is created in the female. Many swear by these principles and I do too, as long as the relationships thus formed remain at a physical level or are confined to short time periods.
The fact of the matter with evolutionary principles is that humans are known to have survived limitless catastrophes throughout their existence by being adept at fine art of adapting to their circumstances, and they will continue to adapt through the next ice age or the smooth speaking heartbreaker.
Adaptation takes time and this is the short span of time that is occupied by these “pick up artists”. In their own lingo, this is their window of opportunity. The duration of these time frames differ based on the proficiency of the pickup artist and the adaptability of their victims. But on average these windows of opportunity diminish following the first few sexual encounters.
The solution is an obvious one and is something that needs be understood and dealt with rather than disguised by narcissistic systems. The friendzone is a result of two factors; lower levels of attraction or higher levels of comfort. Women will find themselves friendzoning men they are acquainted with based on whether or not they’re attracted to them.
Attraction is a combination of excitement, genetic wiring and perception. Genetic wiring is impacted by very little on the part of the seducer, but excitement levels can be alleviated with a few well placed actions such as demonstrating higher replication value.
Well established careers, confidence and good looks all contribute to replication value and is something that need be paid attention to. Comfort building is a tricky affair considering that a fine balance need be struck to achieve positive results. Too much comfort essentially places you in the friend zone but too little comfort will still leave u safely locked out of her bedroom.
A good rule of thumb is to be comforting but not stepped on. Going out of the way to please a girl is romantic once in a while but if she expects you to go out of your way with little demand, you’ll be considered a sure thing and then friend zoned.
Before you splurge on the giant bouquet of roses or leave work to take her shopping, ask yourself does she expect you to do this for her? or would this come as a pleasant surprise to her?. Maintaining the proper balance is critical for developing a relationship which goes beyond the friend zone.
Finally the most important thing and the reason why all love systems fail, is how much effort is required to maintain this act. It’s important to realize how much you’re deviating from your baseline in order to avoid the friend zone.
The reason being that appearances are hard to maintain and eventually she will see through to the person you really are.When this does happen you still run the risk of being friend zoned even though you might have had a few sexual encounters beforehand. If you find yourself deviating a lot from your baseline it’s wise to regroup and address your weakness before you play the jerk to get her in bed.
By Dilshan Seneratne
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sujith says:
Jun 12, 2015 at 12:00 amgirls