“The one” is an age old cliché that’s stood the test of time and is very much an integral goal of modern day dating as it was in the past.

In the fast paced dating pool that is the 21st century, every one of us kiss more than our fair share of frogs before we eventually arrive at “the one”. Contrary to fairy tale illustrations of eyes locking across crowded rooms that fade into the gray background, making way to the rising realization of having found our soul mates, reality follows a tad different approach. In fact our surreal expectations are partially the reason we find ourselves in the predicament of being lured by the wrong type.

In reality finding our soul mates is as much a difficult task as working the relationship that subsequently may or may not occur, and unlike the well written fairy tales, there’s a more than substantial possibility of passing up on “the one” and ending up with one of the frogs that life threw at us in the wrong angle. Easing up the task is a more complex topic than can be put down but a few indicators should lead you in the right direction that the girl/boy next door is more than just an indulgence.

Socialization

An important aspect of a fulfilling relationship is finding someone who supports your attempts to reach the stars as opposed to someone who with all their might holds you back. Jealousy, insecurity and possessive tendencies are the foundation of a crippled relationship that’s all but landed on your head. A supportive partner will always support and complement your social interactions. In addition a partner who’s comfortable in supporting your social life, will be much more likely to pull you out of a bad mood and throw you back out to the world.

Between the sheets

Preach all you like but sex is the well camouflaged pillar that holds a relationship together strengthening elements of intimacy and comfort. The right partner will rock your bedroom by being compatible to your kinks and appealing to those quirks that turn you on. A partner who is able to keep it fresh in bed is much more likely to be able to keep you happy in more than just the bedroom.

The real you

An important concept in Social Psychology is that of “idealization” and “social persona”, in reality most of us go our lives insecure within our own skins wearing well crafted masks made of our defense mechanisms and insecurities. The right partner will be able to break through these walls and see you with an accurate approximation of who you really are as opposed to who you’re trying to be. Another important aspect is that your soul mate will also need less idealization to appeal as the love of your life. The fewer characteristics you fabricate about him/her the more likely s/he is “the one”

The honest truth

Lies have a tendency of reflecting the temporary nature of life in its full glory. Lies are often short term escapades to delay an inevitable crash and burn. Little need be said to the reality of lying and the nature of a relationship that is based on secrets and lies. The right partner will help you face your fears together instead of formulating tall tales to avoid reality.

Healthy Lifestyles

The extent to which someone can be involved in your life is subjective and depends on your circumstance. However, someone who takes an active interest in your health is most likely someone who’s planning on staying around for a while. Most emphasis should be placed on partners who try their level best to eliminate bad habits such as smoking. A genuine concern for your health is a valuable trait in many relationships aside from intimate ones.

Future orientation

An often selfish act that translates itself as a healthy one is future orientation where a partner attempts to support and motivate you to achieve your dreams and prepare for the future. More often than not this is a sub conscious need to qualify you as a suitable mate, however the act is a genuine one regardless the unconscious motivation and often foretells a positive note for the relationship.

The best side

More often than not it’s easy to find people who are critical and over bearing of us. Modern society has transformed the best of us to be little if not fault finders who criticize the most honest attempts at achieving good intentions. It’s often helpful to find someone who believes in you and supports you regardless your faults and flaws. The right partner will often see you for the better side that isn’t as well defined as the faults that outshine it.

A simple correspondence to these characteristics will reflect a relationship that will find itself spanning over time and reaching further than the one night stands and the weekly flings.

(By Dilshan Seneratne)