Don’t you ever wonder how couples hit that cold hard wall of complacency you often find them in, the silent car rides, the not so pleasant dinners? Most young new couples who can’t keep their eyes (and hands) off of each other often have a hard time understanding how it’s possible to grow bored in a relationship.
It’s unfortunate that a significant portion of couples wind up in this state of misery and from the looks of it the reasons are as varied as they wish their lives could be.
Faded Love
Love is compared to many things and among them an addiction to chocolate, brain activity of the clinically insane and drug dependency are sure to stand out. The lesson to draw from most of this is that like any other addiction love comes with the obvious downwind that is the possibility of waking up and finding your chocolates bland, your insanity cured or your drugs not so addictive (well that never happens), like any addiction love too can fade or be overpowered.
A common consideration should be that beyond the initial stage of a relationship things tend to settle down and people start noticing the flaws that they often overlook previously. Another very important cause is the routine operation of relationships.
Certain couples go through life living the motions from mundane meals, to pre planned sexual rituals, all of which eventually contribute to a stagnated relationship.
Unresolved Childhood Conflict
As surprising as it is you carry a lot of baggage from your childhood into your adult life and its relationships. Psychodynamic theories of social inadequacy often find its roots in early childhood and its little surprise that most relationship issues too find cause in early life.
Perhaps you didn’t receive enough attention from your parents; perhaps you received too much attention. Sibling rivalries and your preferred mode of anxiety alleviation all have significant impact on your behaviour patterns when in a relationship.
Overbearing parents who idolize their offspring are known to produce narcissistic personalities with little empathy for their partners.
Power Struggling
Some couples find themselves in power struggles that are relentless to the point of being unbearable and as a defense find solace in their assumed stance of boredom. In this case the boredom is only a mechanism to overcome an otherwise helpless situation.
This type of phenomenon is common when very strong willed individuals find themselves struggling for power against more dominant partners who may have leverage in terms of finance or other essentials.
Pathological Boredom
The feeling of boredom might be a symptom of pathology; a common example might Depression which causes symptoms such as apathy and an inability to find pleasure in otherwise pleasurable activities.
Midlife crisis and post natal depression also might manifest itself through boredom and distance between lovers. Affective disorders or mood disorders may have such effects on your relationships and other social interactions.
Sigmund Freud once said “sometimes boredom is just boredom and it might be time to look elsewhere for enthusiasm. If you’re lucky it’ll be early on in a relationship when there aren’t too many factors to consider. However over time boredom if not attended to will fester and develop into a reduced state of pleasure in life and might cause other behavioural impacts which can and should be avoided.
By Dilshan Senaratne
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