Is she right for you? Sounds like a no brainer right? Well it really isn’t. With more than half of American marriages ending in divorce it’s easy to see that a lot of people get it wrong.

No offence to your relationships, I’m sure most of you are well suited, but the fact is there are a few reasons why you probably aren’t evaluating the situation as objectively as you should.

Blind Love

Let’s start with the age old cliché, love is blind, whether it’s blind or not love tends to make people act a little delusional, in fact idealization is a big effect of attraction and leaves even the best of us gaping in confusion.

Idealization is the process where we ignore the negative traits in our lover’s personality, and overlook their physical flaws in the name of love. It’s a sub conscious act that we have little control over.

On a lighter note this is the mental process that causes us to make such comments as “you’re the most beautiful girl in the world” with so much conviction that we believe it ourselves.

Secondly let’s go over another almost as old cliché there is scientific proof to suggest that individuals in love display the same brain activity as cocaine addicts and madmen. Whether or not the findings have ecological validity it’s safe to assume we aren’t in the best state of mind when we are in love.

Within the given reasons it’s a fair assumption to look for tell tale signs that she might not be the one for you.

Friends Don’t Like Her

Your friends might not have the best taste in clothing, movies and TV but it’s been suggested that they might be right if they don’t approve of her.

Friends tend to have an impartial view at the situation, a much valued vantage point in these situations. The fact is your friends get to see her minus her bedroom antics and that gives them a sort of additional objectivity.

It’s also important to note that your friends’ opinion shouldn’t be the sole reason why you break it off, but rather it should be confirmation of what you already know but are too proud to admit.
 

Do Nothing

Even though we hate to come out with it, life eventually settles into a complacent state that isn’t quite as remarkable as it should be.

As for relationships the same applies when the excitement fades and the fluttering butterflies in your stomach are digested and done for. The important thing is when it all fades away, how comfortable are you sharing the same space with her?

You will have to eventually tolerate her existence and make do with it even when you aren’t having crazy sex with her, so in a way a measure of how compatible you are as a couple comes from how comfortable you are doing nothing with her.

The Guilt Trip

Unless you’re really a lousy guy you shouldn’t be made to feel guilty all the time. If you are going through these constant guilt trips it’s very much a possibility that you just aren’t compatible with her or that she has major personality issues.

Suppression is common in these situations and is a dangerous defense mechanism mainly because of the resentment it breeds in both partners.

Bedroom Magic

The quality of sex is a hard thing to judge, it’s easy to find yourself complacent and satisfied by a less than satisfactory sex life, which is ok.

The thing is many people compromise in the bedroom for a lot of reasons including emotional conflicts, childhood issues and other complications, but outside of these complications a bad sex life is just an indication that the couple might not be compatible.

The thing is most of these other complications will fade away over time as trust grows and comfort sneaks in but incompatibility isn’t based on any valid reasoning and won’t be quite that easy to tackle.
 

By Dilshan Senaratne

This article is a result of the author’s own research into the subject and is not to be taken as a professional viewpoint.