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Could Adult ADHD Be The Reason To Your Relationship Problems?

Nov 18 2011.

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Does your husband complain that you never listen? Does your wife say she feels like you’re just one more child in the house? Have your friends lost tolerance with your constant lateness?

Adult Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) could be to blame.

While ADHD is often thought of as a childhood problem, it can sometimes linger into adulthood. And if you don’t know you have the condition, it could be causing a mess on your relationships.

5 Warning Signs…

While everyone is different, there are some common relationship problems many people with adult ADHD deal with. If the following five complaints sound familiar to you, it might be time to consider whether adult ADHD is having a negative impact on your relationships.

One of the most common complaints about people with ADHD is that they don’t listen -- even when someone is talking directly to them. The problem isn’t working on communication between you and your partner - the communication problems are happening between their neurons. They’re not hearing what you’re saying. They’re distracted by the fifth word or they’re hearing what they want to hear. Of course, if you have ADHD you might not understand why your friends and family are getting so angry. Instead, you might feel you’re constantly being nagged or that you honestly never were told about those Saturday night dinner reservations.

Mowing the lawn. Washing the dishes. Folding clothes. Household obligations present responsibilities that can be overwhelming for people with adult ADHD. If the people you live with are constantly complaining that you aren’t pulling your weight, take a step back and consider whether they’re right. When was the last time you took the garbage out? Is your untidiness taking over the house? Are your family members doing more than their fair share?

3. You meant it when you said you’d get to your son’s basketball game by 4:30 p.m. You really did. But then you got distracted at work, and your cell phone rang, and then you realized you needed to pick up the laundry. And, before you knew it, the game was over -- and you were in the dog house. People with ADHD very much intend to do something when they say it -- it’s not like some problems where people lie or are deceitful, but sometimes it comes across as lying in a relationship.

4. Do you feel like you’re always getting blamed for forgetting things, when you know no one actually ever told you about them? Maybe you need to step back and reconsider. Adult ADHD often causes people to forget things they’re told, resulting in major problems in social relationships. If people have been telling you for years that you’re forgetful, it might be time to listen and find out if they’re right.

5. Fights over finances are one of the most common problems for people with adult ADHD. And one of the most common symptoms of adult ADHD is recklessness. This often manifests itself as reckless spending habits, or an inability to save money, even for your child’s college fund or your retirement.

If you or someone you care about suspects adult ADHD, the first thing you should do is educate yourself about the disorder and how it’s diagnosed.

After an evaluation, if you’re diagnosed with adult ADHD, you’ll want to work with a psychologist to address the specific problems you deal day-to-day. When it comes to treatment, adult ADHD is often treated with a combination of medications, skills coaching, and psychotherapy.

If you have a spouse or partner, it’s important for them to be involved in designing and judging your treatment plan, since they often have a better perspective on which therapies are, or aren’t, working. It’s a good scenario if someone does have a supportive partner, so they can work together in a positive way to address the disorder, they can make knowledgeable decisions about medications and how to work with each other around managing this illness.

In a lot of cases, it’s absolutely critical, when you think about it, you have a condition whose characteristics are inattention, poor working memory, and not knowing what’s important. The person with ADHD might think everything is fine, so when they go to therapist there needs to be third-party feedback.

When it comes to therapy, many experts stress the importance of skills training or coaching to help people with adult ADHD achieve their relationship goals. This might include help developing time management and organizational skills that allow you to improve your relationships and manage your obligations.

Usually couples can make their lives better and recapture some of the joy and romance that might have gone out of the relationship, but he cautions that the extent of the negative feelings on both sides and the length of time that the relationship has been in negative patterns can have a huge impact on the outcome.

Because of this, it’s best for you and the people you care about to get professional help as soon as you realize adult ADHD may be straining your relationships.