In modern Psychology defense mechanisms are habitual distortions of reality that manifest itself in mundane behaviors in order to control and mediate stress that is difficult to manage head on.

These mechanisms were first theorized by Sigmund Freud the father of Psychoanalysis and later popularized and categorized by Anna Freud. Every individual has a unique set of approaches to stress that can be broadly differentiated as coping mechanisms or defense mechanisms.

As with any other behavior pattern it might be difficult to recognize these mechanisms at first glance but in keeping with the age old adage “familiarity breeds contempt” long standing relationships specially ones intimate in nature bring out often latent mechanisms unique to an individual. Coping mechanisms by themselves pose little significant threat to an individual often going unnoticed the full length of one’s life but the difficulty occurs when communicating and especially when arguing with others.

In essence defense mechanisms create a large blind spot in a person’s logic in a bid to ensure the safety of his/her rational mind however when these blind spots are brought into question by others who don’t share the same blind spots there might be reason to worry after all ignorance is bliss.
A few defense mechanisms that commonly occur and that might get in the way of a healthy relationship are given below but please keep in mind this article is in no way an elaborate list of ego defense mechanisms which exceed 30 in number as currently listed.

Repression

Repression is a common defense mechanism that causes a conscious stifling of a negative experience or life event. Repression is the reason many bad events in life are often out of the radius of our conscious memory. However repression can cause severe friction between partners. Repression might cause a serious perceptual bias where an individual finds it difficult to bring to mind his/her own flaws in an argument or heated debate resulting often in the partner being frustrated by his/her lovers apparent inability to recall the time s/he forgot to be on time or put the toilet seat down. In reality the offender’s psyche has simply repressed these mistakes in order to avoid guilt and remorse.

Denial

Denial is another common defense mechanism which involves an apparent inability to acknowledge unfavorable circumstances or events as is explanatory from the name. Denial occurs on two distinct levels; one on which an individual is unwilling to confront conditions in the form of a discussion or argument. On another level denial is the irrational conviction that the event didn’t occur which takes place internally.

Projection

Projection is a fascinating technique utilized by the human psyche in order to create a temporary safety zone by transferring one’s ill intent, faults or guilt onto others. Projection is a habitual defense mechanism that may occur continuously in an individual and that goes unnoticed unless one knows where to look and what to look for. The criticality of projection lies in the projector stating an exact opposite of what is actually intended thereby misleading family, friends and on occasion even the projector himself/herself.

Displacement

Displacement is commonly seen during menstruation and occurs in almost all of the population universally without prejudice of gender. Displacement involves channeling emotions often negative feelings towards an object other than the source of the negativity. In the above example displacement involves the frustration resulting from menstrual pain being focused onto day to day life and activities. On a brighter note the same may occur with positive emotions.

Reaction Formation

Reaction formation is another intriguing defense mechanism which causes an individual to stifle emotional content in order to satisfy circumstantial constraints and reacting by behaving directly oppositional to their feelings. Examples involve the extremely enthusiastic employee who’s stuck in a job s/he is unhappy in. Reaction formation causes significant personal distress to the individual and requires immense effort to be maintained which may in turn cause great stress as a result.

Regression

Regression involves reverting to an earlier age of development often infancy or childhood in an attempt to gain the safety that was present during these times. Often observed when an individual undergoes highly intense stressful situations unexpectedly. Characteristic behaviors include assuming the foetal position or throwing temper tantrums. In relationships an individual may resort to tantrums and other juvenile behaviors when all odds seem tipped against their favor.

Idealization

Similar to the halo effect idealization involves associating positive traits with a situation object or person with no real basis for the attribution. The halo effect similarly involves attributing positive qualities to an individual based on his or her physical appearance. Idealization occurs when an individual attempts to convince themselves of a decision against their better judgment.