Beating out the ex boyfriend
Nov 16 2012.
views 1121
One of the many problems that couples face in a relationship is the problem of men have dealing with their girlfriend’s exes. It’s a hilarious problem that doesn’t sound quite as serious as it is, I mean everyone has an ex boyfriend or an ex girlfriend, what exactly is the problem right? Wrong!
A run in with a former lover is by far one of the most unsettling experiences a man can have in a relationship. The reason is quite sketchy, in all honesty it’s hard to make a hard and fast stand about why someone’s past should irritate you now.
The closest guess that can be made however is from a purely evolutionary psychological perspective where the acknowledgement of a former lover is in essence a threat to the male ego and his securing the mate of his choice.
Whether or not the fancy psychological explanations shed any light on the causalities of the issue, it’s pretty easy to see that the problem requires some serious intervention. It’s simple enough if the previous relationship ended on bad terms and the ex boyfriend is just being a creep, then it’s a matter of eliminating him from the frame, a simple enough exercise and a satisfactory one to carry out.
The problem arises when the relationship has ended amicably and they’ve decided to be best buds here onwards. Now we have serious issues and there’s no need for psychology to say that the male ego is under serious attack now. Well here’s a few things short of homicide that might help the situation.
Don’t parade the pig
Conversations about her ex boyfriend are bound to come up way too often for anyone’s comfort, so there’s really no reason why you should bring it up on your own accord as well. It’s fair enough to have questions about her past, particularly in the context of what might have gone wrong (that’s ought to be a fun story) but minimizing these curiosities are the best way to approach the issue; specially since bringing it up more often than not is a sure way to showcase your insecurities and everyone knows how unattractive an insecure guy is.
Forced logic is good logic
This can’t be stressed enough, especially if the ex and your girl are on very good terms. Be careful not to let your imagination run too wild.
Everyone develops and active imagination when they’re suspicious or anxious, it’s only natural that you feel paranoid about him texting her or hugging her when he runs into her but it’s really very important to recognize platonic behaviour between two people who (unfortunately) have been very close and possibly still very much are.
A good book I once read said, whenever you run into her ex with her, square your shoulders, stand aside and smile as if to say “there you go buddy, she’s all yours if you want to try your luck” nothing is possibly sexier than that level of confidence. Of course if he makes a pass at her you’re more than welcome to swing in his direction.
You’ve already won the fight
There’s no point in competing with a guy who has already lost, you’re only giving him a second chance to get back in the game (if he wants to).
It’s important that you don’t compare yourself against him and it’s also important that you don’t try to outdo him when he sends a bouquet of flowers. As far as you’re concerned, he doesn’t exist.
Mr. Nice Guy
It’s critical that you maintain your normal, friendly self when you run into her ex. Giving him the cold shoulder or jealously pouting are not things that men do.
No one expects you to be the best of friends, but being cordial to the ex will prove that you’re secure enough to not be threatened by him.
Don’t be the loser
Having said that you should take the high road, it’s equally important that you don’t overdo the nice guy act. In case the ex has ulterior motives or if he’s just an arrogant narcissist as most of them are, there’s a chance he acts hostile towards you, at this point feel free to swing in his direction.
Stay out of the war
If there is ever a conflict between the ex and your girl, stay out of it. As silly as that seems it’s important to let her fight her own battles. Having said that, do add any fuel you can to the fire without being directly involved. All is fair in love and war right?
By Dilshan Senaratne
0 Comments
Shiva says:
Nov 20, 2012 at 04:03 amWomen are the most insecure, yet this article talks just about men!