What If There’s No One to Be Found? 

You know how you roll your eyes when you hear people tapping you on the shoulder at a wedding and saying, ‘Soon, soon… it will be your turn’ or ‘You will be next – give it time'. F*ck, the whole time you were not giving a rat's tail about the wedding; you were weighing your options on how not to get noticed in the crowd as your serve your third plate of battered prawns. 

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When I was of a decent age of 26, four years ago, I thought to myself that this fabled ‘One' must be out there someone. When I was three months from turning 27, I thought maybe this fool has tragically lost his way but would arrive soon. When I blew the candles off when I ushered my 28th birthday, I thought this idiot was perhaps not worth waiting for – what a lost cause. When I turned 29 last year, I decided that he wasn’t going to come around after all. 

I have adopted the saying, ‘You can’t miss what you’ve never had’ into a little like, ‘Don’t expect – then even if turns up or not, you will still be happy’. I distinctly remember sometime last year I couldn’t sleep and much of this insomnia attributed to ‘The One’. 

Would I be okay on my own? Of course, I had made it this far, hadn’t I? Wouldn’t society look down on me as a pathetic waste of oxygen? <Insert middle finger emoji>. Am I okay to accept that I would not ever say or receive the words ‘I love you’? Yup, I will get by. There was a lot of what ifs and buts, however, I decided that I had to be bigger than this garbage. I never wanted to take couple selfies anyway. 

I slowly deleted the secret wedding Pinterest board. I started using my boyfriend-only stationery I had stashed away – you know, those glitter pens, heart-shaped notepads to write my list of groceries. I stopped saving the BodyShop® limited-edition Cranberry gift pack and vigorously used the body butter as if I was on a mission to deplete shea butter availability in the world. 

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I didn’t rehearse ‘the smile’ for when I met a good-looking guy; I served extra ice cream in the cafeteria. I changed my WhatsApp display picture of myself to a one of a Sharpei dog. This didn’t mean that I stopped waxing every crook and valley on my body every two weeks or stopped showering – I knew that at some point last year I had stopped looking. 

See, I feel the reason why many women are sorely disappointed in this day and age is because we are constantly told that with certainty that there’s someone for each of us and we ought to do our best to create a magnetic field around ourselves to attract him. In doing so, I had stopped wearing DSI bubble slippers to Cargills and even bothered to wear ironed clothes. I was told that I had to lose weight because no guy would like fat girls, I was told that I couldn’t work in the industry that I do because respectable men would not approve. 

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I was told that I shouldn’t be so vulgar in my speech and oughtn’t to call a spade a spade.I shouldn’t take Tuk-Tuks after 6:00 PM because it might look that you were too independent and men only wanted delicate damsels who needed to be taken care of. I was told that I shouldn’t constantly defy everything a man said and certainly shouldn’t lift because it could affect my baby-bearing abilities. What f*ckery was this? It would be easier to saw off parts of my body and dole it out than be ‘THIS’. 

There are some girls who do all these rules and are befuddled to be turning 30 without a wedding band on her left hand. They drive themselves into a depression thinking what went wrong, wondering what they did wrong – was it the chain e-mail they didn’t forward in 1999 where it forewarned them of not finding love if it wasn’t sent? 

I have learned to draw on a more realistic option of believing that if I was to be with someone, hell of hail, the man will bloody arrive when he is supposed to. I am not going to be like some desperate lighthouse shining a beam on everything that came my way. 

If you have been told time after time that ‘The One' will arrive – please, burst this bubble prematurely. He doesn't have to arrive. You were not born into this world with the sole purpose of becoming a couple. Not everyone has a fairy-tale ending that ends with the arrival of a p*nis, I mean, a man. 

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I know more than anyone else that it’s nice to have a couple-y Facebook profile picture and you probably have so much you wanted to do when you had a relationship, but don’t let this stop you from achieving your goals. Buy yourself that Omega watch, the one you always wanted a significant other to purchase for you. Work for your dream body regardless of whether you will be fitting into a wedding dress; learn to bake, even if it meant that you will be eating cakes by yourself; work on getting a bank loan for your home, even if it meant being the single occupant and worry the least about what if there’s no one to be found. 

That concludes this week’s update! Is this you? Does this remind you of someone? Go ahead and hit the ‘share’ button to send this to your friends. As always, feel free to let me know your thoughts on Ms. Confidential on Facebook, Google+ or Twitter and look out for more reads on msconfidentialcolombo.blogspot.com! Here’s to an amazing month ahead of you! 

By Ms. Confidential