If you have been single forever like me, you're probably very good at conjuring varied reasons for status quo. If your reasons now are ‘I am single because I am an alien’, you’ve most likely run out of reasons – also, just like me. 

Now, I simply hide when I see certain colleagues who wanted to go to the extent of hiring a mediator to ‘charm' those who don't like me – positively charming, isn't it? Some have resigned thinking that it's safer to resurrect Hitler than have a man marrying me. Either way, over the last five years I have excelled in the area of coming up with excuses and I wanted to share these with you and maybe you could give me some tips! 

Here are a few of my bests from the last 10 years: 

When I was (ahem) younger, exiting my teens I recall running into a teacher from school, who upon inspecting my left hand found no ring, exclaimed ‘But, child, you lot were always in such a hurry to settle! Where is the man?’ – I politely said that I am on a vigorous search and didn’t want to settle; this answer appeased her. 

When I was 24, I remember someone cautioning me of the danger in not settling down before I was 25, I said ‘My mother has a proposal planned for me’ and every time I ran into him I made up more and more about a fabled boyfriend whom I actually fell in love with. He was based in the US, an engineer by profession, constantly travelling on work making it impossible to travel to Sri Lanka, but I had wedding plans well on the way, according to my ever-growing fib. Whenever he would pass me, I would refute any doubt by a courtesy, showing my outfit as one that 'Me Darling' sent me. 

Much later when I found it harder to devise these pretty little lies, I may have used the following: 

1. I am single because I have just found out that I have only two years to live;  to shocked reactions I justify the statement about how I am constantly walking around in Pettah, and the chances of being run over by a lorry or bus are higher than the sun rising from the east daily. 

2. I am single because I have an addiction and it’s not fair to expect anyone to cope with that. It’s harrowing enough an ordeal for my family as it is. ‘What’s it that you are addicted to?’ – I respond curtly, ‘Cake’. 

3. I am single because I don’t like to share my bed. I take up a lot of space as it is. Usually, there aren’t responses to this. 

4. I am single because I never quite got over my man marrying another girl – he cheated on me. I usually get a woeful look from the enquirer, but once they discover that I am referring to Hollywood personalities they look upon me with disdain for creating quite a stir. Well, in all honestly, I don’t think I can trust anyone after what George (Clooney) did to me. 

5. I am single because I don’t like to be anyone’s slave. Now, this comes out harsh especially when an inquisitive aunty-type asks merely because she wants to see how you rate against her daughter. They've had a 600 person do at Cinnamon Grand, and your wedding budget is lower than their florist's bill, so, nope, no wedding anytime soon but this sly devil wants to confirm thus. 

6. I am single because I don’t like to cook – for this, I get a snide ‘tsk, tsk’. 

7. I am single because I have a genetic mutation. Inspired by X-Men. 

8. I am single because I am an Oracle. 

9. I am single because the world needs singletons for smug married to appreciate status quo. It usually happens that the ones who are married envy the easy-breezy-rarely-combs-hair attitude. 

10. I am single because my parents don’t like me to get married. I don't add that they know that divorce is a costly affair. 

Last week I met someone who gave me profound advice on how to avoid unpleasant excuses. She said, ‘Being single is a lot easier, and I see that it's worked well for you – but this is the thing, you need to tell it like it is; then no one will question your choices'. 

It occurred to me that she was 100% correct. Why didn't I have balls enough to say, ‘I like being on my own'? If I didn't sound convincing enough, how could I expect others to endorse my life choices? Thus, my resolution for the Sinhala and Tamil New Year is that I tell it as it is. 

Are you this girl who constantly stumbles upon excuses? Or, is this the story of your BFF's life? What are the excuses you offer? Feel free to let me know on Ms. Confidential on Facebook, Google+ or Twitter! Enjoy the final few days of stuffing yourself with Kevum for this year. 

By Ms. Confidential