Domestic Abuse And The Black Dot Campaign 

She’s your sister. She's your friend. She's your neighbour. She's the girl sitting opposite you in the bus. She's the girl you walk past at the mall. She's the girl whose smile will brighten up a room. Even if the smile is tired, forced. Still, her eyes betray her true emotions. Crying out for help. Silently pleading us to notice... 

Underneath the mask and the made up exterior are the bruises and the burns. Emotionally, she's holding on by a thread, fearful for her life. Not sure if she can go through another torturous day. This is the sad reality of many women who suffer domestic abuse. 

Domestic abuse is a widespread issue not only in Sri Lanka, but around the world, happening behind closed doors and sometimes occurring blatantly in our view. Yet, we are either oblivious or turn a blind eye. Especially, and more so in south asian cultures, because it seems like we're resigned to the self imposed fate that women should be subservient and silently suffer the physical and mental bashings without speaking out. 

We've been fine tuned to accept abuse as part of our lives because it's been normalised through various mediums. Movies especially seem to advocate for such behavior, as scenes are incorporated at the crux of the movie with perfect comedic timing, as the audience - including women - laugh and applaud appreciatively. The slightest mishap on the girl's part, and the - thunk - male actor slaps her across the face. If, God forbid, the female actress voices her opinion, cue slaps and punches. It's macho, apparently. To raise your hand to the women in your life. Or so our disillusioned men are taught to believe. Nevertheless, movies cannot be pegged as the only causal factor. 

Around September of 2015, the Black Dot Campaign, gained worldwide attention. The premise was relatively straightforward and simple - to open up lines of communication for victims to speak up and for the rest of the denizens of the interwebs to pledge their support. The campaign eventually took a life of its own, as things are wont to happen on the Internet. Now, it claimed that professionals were trained to identify the small black dot drawn by domestic abuse victims on the centre of their palm as a sign of needing help, and be able to act accordingly. Problem was, no “professionals” were officially notified of such a thing. However, although it was well intentioned, this viral campaign will, without a doubt, result in dangerous outcomes. Afterall, are we to believe that the abusers will not have heard of this campaign? Seeing the black dot on the palms of their victims would further enrage them, leading to further abuse with possibly deadly consequences. It’s no wonder then that a very small number have benefitted from the campaign. 

But what about the men? Not the abusers - the victims. Yes, victims. Their predicament is even more troubling simply because the stigma associated with admitting to being a victim of domestic abuse is crippling, to say the least. There has been so much focus on being “a man” that having to admit to being abused by a woman feels embarrassing. Men are expected to be physically stronger than women, and so they fear that  they will be the laughing stock of the town for speaking up. Worse, they are led to think they wouldn't be believed. And sadly, in most cases, it is probably true. 

This begs the question, what do we do then? Although ill-fated, the Black Dot campaign brought domestic abuse to the limelight and made it a talking point. It’s definitely a start. What we fail to understand is that for the victims, escaping the mental shackles of an abusive relationship takes a lot of guts. We're not insinuating that the victims who don't seek help have no guts. Far from it. They are truly some of the strongest individuals you will ever meet. But the depression and lack of self worth brought on by years of emotional and physical abuse often leaves them resigned to their fate. They feel very alone, confused and often blame themselves. They are also hesitant to confide in others for fear of reprisal - that the abuser may hurt them, their kids or their pets. 

Which is why we believe there should be open dialogue on the issue. Victims need to be reminded that there is hope, that they aren't alone, and that they are definitely not at fault. They need to know who they can turn to, if they are being abused by someone. Most importantly, it is our duty to be constantly vigilant and reach out to those who may seem to need help. Remind them that it is not their fault, because it truly isn't. Contact family, friends, local community leaders, crisis centres or the National Child Protection Authority (NCPA) if the victim-survivor is below the age of 18 years, and/or get legal support. 

We as a society need to stand firm that abuse is NEVER okay, irrespective of the gender or age of the victim. We need to become an inclusive and supportive community that a victim can approach without fear of stigma or judgement. 

If you or anyone you know is suffering from domestic abuse, get help ASAP! You are NOT alone. 

Police Emergency : 119
Women In Need : 0112671411 (www.winsl.net)
Sumithrayo : 0112692909 (www.srilankasumithrayo.org) 

For more information on domestic abuse, check out the following websites: 

www.actnowsrilanka.org/en/vaw/domestic-violence
www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/help-for-abused-and-battered-women.htm
www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/help-for-abused-men.htm 

By Rihaab Mowlana