‘Single’ has long been a status of mine. As I reach the endearing thirties and while most women my age in Sri Lanka are religiously looking for “the one”, I am busy taking on a massive career change. While I am looked down upon my life choices to remain single rather than settle for less than what I want or deserve, I applaud myself for not being in uncomfortable position and married. 

Most of us delude ourselves in the romantic notion of marriage. Millennials who are married today tell us otherwise. I have friends who had been dating their partners for years prior, who will testify that marriage is everyday work. I know of people who are trapped in unhappy marriages. They remain bound because of children, inadequate personal finance, social norms and more. It saddens me that these people are the very ones whose weddings I have attended, organized and in some cases third wheeled on dates. 

The concept of marriage cannot be archaic. Or at least I like to think that it isn’t. What has become archaic is the public sense of a woman’s role in society. Long gone are the days that women pride themselves only in the revered position of mother and wife. Due to economic circumstances or the very evolution of life, women have become independent. 

Today not only households are run by ‘mom & wife’, she also shares a financial partnership. From utilities to school fees, the woman of the house bears and provides. Perhaps the balance has long being shifted, which is why our wise mothers parrot to us “Know who you are marrying. And if he is capable of being an equal partner”. And then of course the following advice being “Think with your head and not heart”, easier said than done, but we know where it is coming from. 

Since we were children we have been taught of fairytales that “married” always coupled with “happily ever after”. Even when we are single, we long for that one partner, our prince charming per say who listens to our stories, defends our honour, takes our hand and leads us to the dance floor. What we wish and want is rarely met even half way, and we our left empty and disappointed. Feeling lonely when you’re alone is systematically better than feeling lonely while you are with someone. 

Kishani Samaraweera, a single 30 year old lawyer replied when asked about her thoughts about marriage “It’s a lot of compromise. I don’t think it’s worth it unless you find someone who is worth it. But then again you never know…” Her personal choice to remain single has been criticised by those around her and realistic attitude towards marriage has been viewed as ‘negative’. 

If you are not with someone has the decent notion of what great partner he/she has. Pat yourself on the back for avoiding a years perhaps even decades of ignored compromise, finances and the most important of all - your youth. Be it male or female, single or not, what we all fundamentally want is when we are old to look back on life without any regret. 

Unlike even a decade ago, being a single woman isn’t as morose as it were. You have the freedom to do whatever you want with your life. Twenty four hours in a day has been dedicated to your wellbeing - eat at your time, sleep at your time, travel, exercise! More importantly, the money you earn is of your own and how you wish to spend it is at your own discretion. Reiterating to me the importance of ‘earning your own bread’ was Claire Dunphy, a beloved character from the hit show Modern Family who said “I just want to buy my husband a gift with my own money”! 

Life as a single woman becomes much less complicated, when you’re less harsh on yourself. Less judgemental of yourself - When you pay less attention to society - When you scroll less through the social media accounts of apparently happy couples - And more importantly when you make peace with being alone. “I don’t advise any woman to get married just because everyone else around them tells her to do so. If she can be alone, and she manages herself well. Then she should go ahead and be on her own” advises Sam Perera, a 31 year old beautician. 

Chelsea Handler, a successful T.V show host boldly stated on Time magazine. “When You Meet a Single Woman, Congratulate Her”. So celebrate yourself; and thank yourself for being in a position of strength, for conquering your trials and tribulations on your own. And that you are not held hostage by a piece of paper. And that in every literal sense the world is your oyster. 

And once you embrace the overwhelming feeling of liberation, life becomes an exciting adventure. 

It's 2017… spinster is the new sexy. 

TEXT by S.A. Hamid