Life Advice from Those Who’ve Been There 

Wisdom comes with time, and who better to offer advice on love, career, money, and life’s biggest questions than those who have been there and done that? In this column, we ask older generations - grandparents, retirees, seasoned professionals - to share their insights, stories, and no-nonsense advice on the things that matter most.

This week, we're excited to feature Goolbai Gunasekara – a celebrated educator, author, and true beacon of wisdom. With a lifetime of experience under her belt, she reflects on love, career, money, and life’s toughest questions, offering thoughtful advice and sharp insights that only years of living can provide.

If you could give young people one piece of advice, what would it be?
It would be one word. ORGANISE. Life without the organization of studies. jobs, careers, or personal lives could become nightmarish. A well organized person is always successful. It is a life with little or no pressure. This capacity to organize is important whether still in school, starting a career or ( in the case of girls)  being a housewife. Double the work can be done if one robustly maintains regular and organized schedules.

What is the biggest financial mistake you made in your 20s and 30s?
Probably I would say that my biggest mistake was that my husband and I disregarded parental advice and sold a house without buying another immediately. By delaying to do so prices unexpectedly skyrocketed and our choices were suddenly limited.  Never marginalize the advice of older and wiser heads!

What is something that worried you when you were younger that turned out to be unimportant?
I think I worried too much about public opinion. As I grew older I realized that as long as you did the right thing it did not really matter what people thought. One’s life is one’s own and not to be lived as others dictate. Commonsense is needed here.

If you could go back and change one decision in your life what would it be?
I would change my decision not to further my studies after I got my first Degree.  I would have accepted the Fulbright Scholarship. Instead  I opted for an early marriage which could certainly have been postponed a year or two.

What’s a hard truth that took you years to learn?
Patience!  I was always an impatient person expecting results to be quick. I was hard on those who did not live up to my goals. As I was a Principal for much of my life I think I was too often impatient with Staff….(teaching, office and minor Staff)  but somewhere along the way, I realised that no one expects bravura performances all the time. I realized that I could get more out of people with a gentler and more compassionate approach. It took me years to learn to be relaxed and I think the lack of it cost me dear at times!  I have eventually learned that patience is its own reward.

What’s something young people today don’t appreciate enough?
Youth never appreciates its own era. I think youngsters do not appreciate the conveniences of technology which they take for granted. My contemporaries and I did not have TVs, Microwaves, Mobile phones and all the multiple gadgets which makes life pleasant and easy. Whether AI is going to make their lives happier is another matter altogether.

What’s an old school habit or value you wish would make a comeback?
I would ask for a completely impossible thing and wish kids could cycle to school as many of us did. With the area rule in place nowadays, kids must be living fairly near their schools but with huge school populations it is an impossibility to cycle I suppose. That morning cycle ride was fun. Parents DID occasionally drop us in cars during monsoons but I wish kids today had that exhilarating morning ride. One never knew whom one might meet along the way after all!

What’s the best risk you ever took?
I am not a risk taker so let me be facetious and say MARRIAGE!

If your younger self met you now what would surprise her the most?
The fact that I try to be non-judgemental. It was something I learned fairly early in my career. I had to. Judging students is necessary of course but being critical always has a negative result.  One learns to judge them correctly and always tries to be fair. I try to be non–opinionated. This has been hard for me. My younger self thought I was always right. I had to try hard to listen to others' opinions. I think my younger self would be surprised to find that I have succeeded (I think) to a great extent.  

What’s something you did that would shock young people today?
Absolutely nothing.  My friends and I were not angels but parental control was tight. What chance did we have to shock anyone? Perhaps a stolen phone call with a boyfriend (helped by girlfriends of course). The opportunity for excitement did not knock much during my youth. In any case, we trusted our parents and I find that my contemporaries who defied parental control (in my youth) have lived to regret it.

What’s a life lesson you wish was actually taught in school?
A slightly long answer is needed here.

Along with the  academic subjects of that time  we were given a fairly thorough education.  I was extremely poor in Maths thanks to my chequered schooling in three countries.  Science OR Arts HAD to be chosen as alternative subjects in Sri Lankan schools at that time. I did not like Science so what were my choices? English, History, Literature, Civics, Home Science, Music (yes it was a subject then.)  Sinhala and Maths were compulsory. 

But there was a wide spectrum of other activities which rounded off our good education I think. There were choir classes, ballet classes, Girl Guiding, various sports,  and art classes. What I NOW wish was taught would be a subject I introduced at Asian International titled ‘VALUE EDUCATION’.  This is a difficult subject to teach but in the multi-racial Sri Lankan society it would be a great unifier. The Government should think of it and plan a syllabus which would need specially trained graduates to teach it. (It could help our unemployed graduate situation a little.) This topic is a virtual life lesson comprising everything from religion to sex! In my opinion, it is an excellent subject to add to the existing curriculum.

What is the best way to get over heartbreak?
A young person finds this very, very hard. First loves are so intense.  Wise parenting helps greatly. There is no special advice that I can give here other than to assure the afflicted one that he/she will get over whatever seems so tragic at the moment. The cliché that time is a great healer is absolutely true.

Youngsters may not want to talk to their parents, Suicide rates are rising among them however they must have SOMEONE on whom to vent their feelings and frustrations. This is where Value Education comes in. Well taught, it is indispensable to youngsters who often have busy parents occupied with full-time careers. Most International Schools employ Counsellors.

If you had one rule for a happy life, what would it be?
There is no ONE rule for this. But to be generally a happy person I would say that any well-directed activity helps. Kindness and non-judgemental attitudes help too. Positivity helps. Regular prayer helps enormously of course.

What’s the worst advice people give young adults?
Advising them to be too materialistic. Stressing personal success over all else.