With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, you might be scrambling to get her the freshest bunch of roses and only the most delectable chocolates. Or you might be hustling to find him the most authentic leather wallet or an expensive perfume that smells just right. 

Nobody would really turn down a gift but, it isn’t the only way to celebrate this special occasion or make your loved one feel more appreciated than usual - even on a regular old Tuesday. 

In fact, there are five different ways in which you can express and receive love in a relationship. They can be categorized as acts of service, gift-giving, physical touch, quality time and words of affirmation. 

It was Gary Chapman, an American author, speaker and marriage counsellor, who brought forth the idea of multiple love languages. He took note of a recurring pattern between the couples who came in for counselling and realized that the root cause of a falling out for most, was misunderstanding each other’s needs in the relationship. In an attempt to spread awareness on the topic, he published the book “The 5 Love Languages” to emphasize that getting to know your significant other’s love language and letting them know yours, is a way to help you both feel loved and appreciated. While you may connect with various forms of love, Chapman’s theory suggests that each of us has a primary love language that resonates with us the most.

#1. Acts of service

If your partner’s primary love language is acts of service, they may want love expressed to them through helpful deeds. These can include acts such as: 

• Preparing their tea or coffee for them in the morning
• Running errands or doing chores such as washing dishes or picking up groceries without being asked
• Making their favourite home-cooked meal if they’ve had a stressful day
• Fixing a broken item that they need 

Recognizing when your partner is feeling exhausted or requires assistance, and taking steps to lighten their load, shows genuine care beyond mere words. Showing up for them also reflects your dedication and dependability, which helps to foster trust.

#2. Gift-giving

People who identify this as their main love language feel most appreciated when they receive gifts, valuing physical tokens of love. They associate gifts with feelings of love, care, consideration and affection. This may include: 

• Buying them personalized items like a t-shirt with a shared inside joke
• Remembering their favourite snack or candy and surprising them with it
• Creating a handmade item for them such as a handwritten letter or card
• Gifting them merchandise from their favourite show, movie or musician

By taking the time to select or create a handmade gift for your partner, it shows that you are considerate and truly value their likes and interests. Even simple, regular gestures can convey your affection more than grand, costly gifts. For those who appreciate receiving gifts as their main love language, it’s not about the size or price of the present; it’s the thought and effort that truly matters.

#3. Physical touch

A person whose main love language is physical touch experiences love and appreciation through physical affection, whether it's sexual or non-sexual. This can include:

• Holding hands while walking 
• Cuddling or snuggling with them while watching TV
• Greeting them with a warm hug
• Offering to give them a massage or foot rub after a long day

Individuals who value physical touch seek a deeper emotional bond with their partner through physical gestures, whether it's a simple pat on the back or a comforting squeeze of the hand to provide reassurance during tough moments. Such acts reinforce the importance of your tangible presence in their life that either brings them joy or comfort. 

#4. Quality time

If your partner values this love language, they truly cherish your complete attention when you are together. They feel the deepest sense of love and appreciation when their partner focuses solely on them and shares quality time in a significant way. Some ways you can exercise this are: 

• Taking part in activities together or cultivating a new, shared hobby
• Listening to your partner without any distractions (yes, put down that phone!)
• Having meaningful conversations and sharing your thoughts and feelings with them
• Planning regular date nights or trips to enjoy together

Prioritizing quality time with your loved one shows how much you value and enjoy their company, creating an opportunity for your relationship to grow stronger as you develop unique and memorable experiences together.

#5. Words of affirmation

People whose primary love language is words of affirmation feel loved when affection is shown through spoken or written expressions, such as compliments or words of appreciation. This can include: 

• Praising them for their achievements or expressing, "I’m really proud of you!"
• Frequently saying “I love you” to them 
• Encouraging them with text messages or notes of love
• Expressing gratitude for something they did or helped you with

No matter how small your comment is or how many times they’ve heard you say it, having it come from their special person makes all the difference to them and can remind them that they are cherished and loved, especially when they are in low spirits and are in need of reassurance. 

How can these enhance your relationship?

Understanding your own and your partner's love language may not resolve every relationship challenge, but it can foster empathy and selflessness. When both partners show commitment to learning each other's love languages, it helps them recognize what makes each other feel valued and significant. This awareness can lead to personal growth and a deeper understanding of how to nurture the relationship. Couples who are attuned to each other's love languages often find that their communication improves, making it easier to navigate conflicts and embrace their differences as their mutual understanding paves the way for a more harmonious connection and tight bond.

But.. what if I don’t have a special someone?

It's important to remember that these love languages aren’t only applicable to romantic relationships. They serve as a helpful framework for understanding how you or someone dear to you prefers to express and receive love or appreciation—be it a parent, sibling, close friend, or even a neighbour. For instance, if someone doesn't say much but surprises you with a bag of mangoes from their tree, you can recognize that their love language is gift-giving. Now you know that a thoughtful gift, like an achcharu made from those very mangoes, would truly resonate with them!

Besides, who says you can’t be your own Valentine? It’s a well-known fact that we can’t pour from an empty cup. Similarly, we need to love ourselves before we can truly love others. Once you discover your love language, it becomes much easier to dedicate time to nurture and cherish yourself.

So, take a moment here for some self-reflection. Do you feel more appreciated by the idea of being surprised with your favourite meal on a bad day, or comforted by some words of encouragement? Would you rather enjoy a soothing massage to melt away stress, or take a relaxing walk along the beach?

Why not treat yourself to a special day out or indulge in that delicious chocolate cake this Valentine’s Day? It’s perfectly acceptable to recognize and express love for yourself because everyone deserves kindness and affection, regardless of their age, gender, or circumstance. Love can grow at any time and anywhere, and it’s always a reason to celebrate!