It’s the age old question and we just might have new answers; why do women so gladly welcome cheating men into their lives and continue to hold onto them while they thrive on their cheating ways. While many of us are content believing that women are just delighted to be with bad boys and that nice guys aren’t a woman’s cup of tea, reason stands to state that being treated badly isn’t anyone’s favourite pastime.
The true reasons as to why women continue to be with a man who might be cheating runs deeper than still water and might even stem from childhood abuse or a missing father figure.
My current favourite movie puts the phenomenon into perspective when they say “we accept the kind of love, we think we deserve” while this statement just might be true it’s also worthwhile to investigate other reasons why a woman might be bringing upon her the misery of an abusive lover.
Rejection
This is probably the major reason behind women who try to hold on to their relationships with renewed gusto when they get cheated on. The kind of attitude that accompanies this line of thinking often leads to a lifelong routine of trying to hold onto a bad thing.
While the motives for attempting to preserve the relationship are often selfish, women who feel this way are easily vulnerable to looking at saving the relationship in a game perspective where losing the guy translates to game over.
Fear of the unknown
If you really think about it, the biggest fear anyone faces at the end of a relationship is the fear of not knowing what is in store for them. Relationships have a way of settling us in our own thick hides of comfort, cuddled up and complacent; if and when these relationships are shown an avoidable ending in the horizon, most women tend to consider the option of forgiving their partner than venturing alone into the unknown.
Conviction
While being convinced might make for a bad argument, the truth of the matter is that women expect their partners to eventually change even if they have committed a serious wrong and these women also tend to hang around waiting for the change they so dearly hope for.
Part of the attraction of a bad boy also is the promise of his transformation and the faith women have in being able to bring about that transformation.
Low self esteem
This is a major contributor to any abusive relationship and ties very well to the statement involving us accepting the love we think we deserve. Low self esteem translates to excuses made on the cheating partner’s behalf and persevering commitment, even when badly treated.
The core belief at the heart of a woman who has low self esteem is that she can’t do any better than the partner she is with now.
Possessive
Possessive women are often at the receiving end of trouble; the beginning of the mess is created by her holding on too tight and trying to dictate terms on her partner. Like any man would, the unreasonable rules and control often make him stray and that’s only the beginning.
Once he cheats on her and she finds out, her reaction would border on wanting to mark her territory, even more than save herself the trouble of being hurt again. Women who fit this description will hold on tighter and attempt to have more control of their partners until they eventually drive themselves to the point of insanity.
History
This is a crippling reason and often a justified one. If the couple has shared a long course of history together it might not even be a possibility to see beyond the relationship into a future where the two are not together.
Relationships of this nature require the couple to sort things out, possibly with professional help involved.
Investment
Building a relationship with someone is more than forging emotional ties; it can incorporate other financial, energy and time costs. For instance, if she has built a business with her guy, leaving the relationship could risk her venture.
Likewise, having invested feelings and energy cultivating the relationship could make her hesitant to walk away with nothing.
Financial dependence
This is pretty obvious and is the reason why women are reluctant to lodge complaints against their abusive spouses.
By Dilshan Senaratne
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