Last week one of my readers brought up the subject of manners and is it good manners for a child to interrupt an adult as they talk. Rather than respond with an answer, I thought it was definitely a much required topic to look into. Manners can be cultural, manners depend on modern societies norms and expectations, they can be outdated.
For example my grandmother’s staunch motto of ‘Children should be seen and not heard’ is not one I readily adhere to in my family nowadays. I respect what my children have to say as long as they don’t interrupt anyone or talk over anyone. But saying that, children should have manners and there should be no exception to the rule.
A child lacking in manners, is a spoiled child who grows up to be an adult who least respects their fellow citizens and thus begins the disintegration of society as a whole.
Let the teaching of manners begin!
As soon as children are able to speak and understand your commands, you should slowly start introducing the concept of manners. A mere ‘excuse-me’ after a sneeze or a burp, a ‘thank-you’ when given something are all simple manners to begin with.
My son used to always end up getting his manners mixed up for he would say thank you after every sneeze.
Respecting others by not interrupting them during conversations, talking over people and so forth are important expectations to install in your children as they take part in more social gatherings. The ‘donot interrupt mummy’ when she is talking is my constant mantra.
Proper manners at mealtimes is definitely a constant battle that parents have. Each day the same set of rules are repeated, elbows off tables, sit down on chairs, no standing, no chewing with mouth open and so forth.
It is definitely a test of one’s patience. You might offer little incentives to the one who has the best manners.
A common behavior at Sri Lankan mealtimes is how the family will eat first whilst the mother hovers around acting as the glorified servant dishing out food. Actually in some cases if a child is hungry they are encouraged to eat first disrespecting all others present.
Many mothers do this and I find it is the root to all spoiled little boys who grow up to be insensitive husbands who because of the way they were brought up have no concern for other family members during mealtimes. If I am hungry I eat, there is no waiting for anyone else is their motto.
Mealtimes are important family gatherings. The family should sit down together, if the children are eating early, this is fine, but both parents should make the effort to have a united front. These are simple manners of respect for each and should begin within the family first rather than with strangers.
It is important to teach children about privacy and the respect for parent’s privacy. Even though our children love lounging about in our room and especially in our bed. They have been taught to respect our privacy, to knock before you enter, to respect our belongings and so forth.
We should also teach our children to respect those who are different to us. To be aware of other peoples needs when out and about. Not to point or stare and definitely to respect peoples sense of space, which seems to be lacking in the Sri Lankan society.
Of course your ideas of manners can differ from mine and there are others you might want to incorporate, but we are definitely on the same agenda, we just want our children to grow up to be good and kind people, and that starts with some manners!
By Mayuri Jayasinghe
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