I am a perfectionist, I'd rather be early to an appointment than late even if it is a four year old's birthday party, the toothpaste lid has to always be on, crust on sandwiches cut and if I buy a lottery ticket I wholeheartedly believe that I have the winning number. My husband might roll his eyes at my unwavering optimism and ponder at the absurdity of his wife, but that is me.
Stitched into my very being, these are the little idiosyncrasies that make me who I am. Incredible was the day that my “always prepared, always optimistic” self met my oldest daughter. A day dreamer, a thrill seeker, one who is always late, who skips rather than walks, a clown and the trait of being organized seemed to have missed her completely, the day they were handing out good qualities.
Dear reader you might chuckle at my humorous state of perplexion, but to someone who thrives on order and non chaos, the art of raising such a child has me at my wits end. How do you raise a child that comes with a completely opposite personality to yourself. You might be couch potato, your child an athlete, you're the life of the party, she would rather hide under the table, you can't draw a straight line, she has your portrait done in a few seconds. Yes they are our children they came from our very being, but that is to say that they are completely different individuals from us.
Raising a child much different to you can come with a set of problems, when you demand perfection they are unable to see the need for it, whilst you crave peace and quiet, the high spirited child cannot be tamed. As personalities differ, clashes occur and rather than celebrate the unique beauty of the two different individuals, parenting such a child becomes a long arduous journey, where your parent to child relationship will take its toll.
1. Don't pigeon-hole your child. Never assume you have your child all figured out. Personality typing is a form of labeling. Behaviors are clustered together and kids with those personalities are assumed to act exactly alike. That isn't so — kids are also affected by their experiences and certain traits that are no appealing can be fixed.
2. Compromise: Is definitely a trait to be practised by all, especially the parent and being the adult, more knowledgeable about the differences in personality. It is not easy, it is incredibly frustrating, when your whole being cannot simply understand why the child cannot behave as asked, but understand, learn and compromise. That is more of the solution.
3. Family members with similar traits: To better understand your child it might be best to get help from other older families members who you think share these similar personalities. In-fact it might be better for your child to spend more time with these individuals for their common interests will give your child confidence and self-assurance.
4. Honest and open: Rather than force your child into conformation, celebrate the differences. Be open to them and accept the fact that your child is type A and you are type B for example. But one personality is not superior to another, what does hold ground is your parenting ideals and these will be readily more accepted if you understand the person rather than make your child into a mini-you.
No one said parenting was a walk in the park, in fact this is another of those crazy interesting problems to throw into the mix of things. Recently if you feel you have been arguing with your child a lot more or feeling quite distance to them, then this might be just one reason to look at, opposites do clash, but it's the parent's responsibility to find the middle path! Happy parenting!
By Mayuri Jayasinghe
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