It is a proven fact that your birth order molds your personality. The only child teeters on being spoilt, the eldest bosses, the baby gets constantly babied whatever their age and the middle child…just gets lost in the middle. Personality does not biological change a child but the surrounding attitudes do help to change their behavior.
Being the oldest in my family of two I was encouraged at an early age to act more responsible and be the example. Even though my mother might vehemently disagree I was brought up in a loving manner but was not given any of the excuses privileged by my younger brother. He was excused if a task was not completed or if something was not forgotten, after all he was the baby and not much was expected from him other than to be cute!
Having children of my own I find myself displaying similar behavior, I expect my older child to be more responsible, to not fret and just to get on with her tasks, irrespective of the fact that she is only nine. From the moment she was able to walk I enrolled her in whatever class she showed an interest from music to ballet, she was quite happy to be out doing her own thing, rather than be molly coddled at home.
When my younger daughter who is four asked to go for a ballet class, I was panic stricken, I couldn’t get myself to leave her alone in a class without my supervision. Thus unknowingly I was transferring my expectations of how I wanted my children to behave in terms of their birth order. This is not entirely bad parenting, but it is important that as parents we be aware of our parenting styles:
Parenting you Firstborn:
Since we expect our firstborns to be examples for their younger siblings and we keep reinforcing that fact in every step that they face, we need to be aware of any undue stress that we might place on them. Children feel pressure to excel and be good and this might affect the child adversely.
Make sure that along with the responsibilities you also issue some privileges, for example the oldest child might have a later bedtime.
Parenting your Middle Child
Middle child, mostly due to their place in the family tend to get overlooked. Remember to give them the time that they deserve and need.
The middle child also tends to be the meditator, the easy goer, the one who is amiable and gets along with everyone because they want to be a part of the group.
Praise them whenever you get a chance, for their good qualities need to be encouraged and appreciated.
Parenting your Last Born
The lastborn tends to have the ‘baby’ curse. Since they are the babies in the family their thoughts and ideas are not taken seriously. Keeping this in mind do not disregard their views and opinions on family matters. However frivolous it might be to you, to them they are momentous opinions.
Being the baby in the family, we are usually compelled to not bombard them with responsibilities but do not resort to that view, give them small chores to do whether its to lay the table or get the mail.
With raising children we always want to get it right, infact we have no option but to do so. Therefore taking into account their imprinted personalities and our outward expectations for them, we need to get the balance right.
To over bear the eldest child and molly coddle the baby is not good parenting at all, we are not justified in our actions and if our child were to choose the wayward track we are partly to blame. Now I think I’ll go and hug my eldest whilst I get the younger one to pick up her toys. Life with children is always fun and laughter.
By Mayuri Jayasinghe
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