I never had one when I was growing up. A sister that is. I would look on enviously at my friends as they either conspired with or complained about their sisters. Growing up with a younger brother whose idea of fun was to play video games on the computer, no conversation, was just not the same.
So, when we found out that my third child was a girl, I was ecstatic, for I felt my daughter needed a sister much more than my son needed a brother. Boys make friends easily, they regard every other male a friend for life. They are okay emotionally.
But sisters are special, women connect on a deeper level and we need that unconditional emotional backing that no one but a sister would provide. Even now I see how close my daughters are.
The younger will not spend a night without the older sister, infact when my older daughter spent a couple of days at my parents house, I could feel the younger one go into a world of her own, she stopped talking, eating was at a minimum, but once the older one returned, they were back to their usual selves, giggling and chattering away in their rooms. One look between them speaks volumes, leaving us innocent bystanders amazed and awed at the beautiful bond between them.
Some readers might be rolling their eyes right now, for yes the sister to sister bond is not all peaches and roses as you might expect. There are fights, there is disharmony and some sisters go for years without speaking. This is a tragic situation. For given a chance to have a sister is a wonderful opportunity and one to be cherished and not thrown away at a mere bad word. Like any relationship you have to work at it.
How to teach your daughter to be a GOOD sister
Make time for your sister. As children, the younger sibling will be thrilled at discovering that the older one will schedule time just for her. And of course as adults, making that special time over a cup of tea or coffee and sharing the everyday gossip will help strengthen the sisterly bond.
Keep an open mind. Just because you are related does not mean that your sister is a carbon copy of you. Variety is the spice of life. Don’t criticize. Beware of everyone’s uniqueness and be proud.
Make a list of what makes your sister special. This might be a good thing to do if you find your daughters are always fighting. As adults, reminisce about all the times your sister was there for you. Through heartaches, weddings, births of children. She was the one person who you could call upon and knew exactly what you wanted done without saying.
As children, never try and compare one sister to another. This might develop inadequacies in the party that is lacking and resentment and jealousy will set in. Always, from a young age encourage your daughters to be close, don’t favour one over the other and breed hatred. That is bad parenting.
Whatever happens remember that you are family. Blood should always flow thicker than water. Despite how much heartache your sister has caused, you are made out of the same cloth, hurting your sister is like hurting yourself.
Now as an adult I miss having a sister more than ever, for I would have dearly loved to share stories and experiences as I raise my children. I look to my friends for their sisterly advice, but it is just not the same. Go hug your sister!
By Mayuri Jayasinghe
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