When you hear the word “sibling”, rivalry almost immediately follows suit. Growing up with a sibling, however close you are in spirit and soul, you will have occasional spats along the way. This is just the natural course of events. Siblings have rivalled since the beginning of time, the constant vying for parental approval, the quest to dominate person and belonging within the same household, our childhood have seen many siblings rifts along the way. In most cases sibling quarrels exists only in the formative years and eventually the bonds are strengthened, petty differences forgotten and strong sibling relationships cemented forever.

In some cases these petty sibling spats are just exercises in irritation for both parties and forgotten sooner than necessary. But in some sibling relationships the rivalry between them flourishes resulting in constant disagreements, squabbles at the drop of a hat and the general quarreling at every turn. A house full of quarrels is not a pleasant place to be with other innocent occupants being constantly asked to choose sides or enforce peace. My older children possibly close in age and with conflicting personalities are staunch quarrelers. Their tedious spats permeate the household, driving us all into depths of despair. Not a single family event from the occasional family dinner, to an outing or to even a trip to the grocery store is devoid of their quarrels. Constantly asked to referee the disagreement I usually try and not get involved, but after a long parenting day, the quarrels have got to me and I am at my wits end as to how to get through this trying phase. As the squabbling continues, it definitely dampens the family’s mood and some days I resort to dishing out punishments as soon as I sense a disagreement in the making, thus constantly annoyed I don’t look forward to family events with the same fervor and I rather avoid them. Here are some ways to control your inhouse squabblers;

1. Try and not get involved as much as possible. Children being children will usually sort themselves out. With yourself in the equation the squabbles will escalate since each part will be looking for someone to take their side.

2. If things are escalating to a level where there is name calling and physical fights, then the first thing to do is to separate the quarrelers. Even kids need a break from each other.

3. Once separated do not try and find out what happened, for they might be the instigator, but it does take two to quarrel. Enforce your ideals of behavior to both separately.

4. If you find your children constantly quarreling over the T.V remote, games etc, then set up a schedule, write down who gets their turn each day.

5. Think about having weekly family meeting, where the children get to tell you their problems, and you also get to reinforce acceptable behavior. Quarrels might be due to some dissatisfaction which can easily be cleared up during a family meeting.

6. Reinforce in children that however much they disagree with their sibling family is a very important and an unbreakable bond. Helping children grow up with these ideas will only strength their existing relationships.

Yes I admit there are days where I would rather go hide that hear another spiel on who did what to whom and how it is unfair. But as my children go through their respective phases, I can only try and address the problems that come up in each, sibling quarreling is definitely quite a tedious one and definitely tests my patience to the hilt, but as parents we can only hope for the best and take one day at a time.

By Mayuri Jayasinghe