My son is our middle child. He also happens to be the only boy flanked on either side by an older and younger sister. He also happens to be the only boy amongst his cousins who are all girls. He has given into having his curls teased and set in rollers, having his nails painted bright pink and has drunk endless cups of tea in imaginary ‘Prince and Princess’ tea parties. Yes, he is hanging onto his masculinity for dear life.

For a long time he was the much cuddled younger child who was given a lot of kisses and hugs, but he quietly stepped aside when my younger daughter came along and all the cuddling and cooing was focused on her. My oldest, because of her personality demands our time, if she has something to say we all have to pay her attention. So after cuddling the baby and giving my sought after attention to the demanding oldest, while he is waiting, Suren finds things to amuse himself, he’ll wile away the hours in his room pushing his trains, singing a song, until he is called for his meals. He is undemanding and easygoing; ‘we’ll do it later Suren’ is not met in tears and tantrums but in an ‘Okay mum’.

Is this the fate of the mystical middle child, forgotten by his elders and left to his own devices?

The Middle Child syndrome is an existing condition in any family with more than two children. As the oldest in mine I have not had firsthand experience to relate from, but I have many ‘middle children’ friends who have moaned about being ignored or unappreciated by their parents. Older children are naturally born leaders, while the younger ones are always the baby in the family and whether they like it or not get mollycoddled. Noone knows what to do the middle child? As a parent I do feel guilty about the lack attention I might not give my son. The person who shouts loudest in our house is always the one who gets my attention the most and thus due to his undemanding ways he misses out.

Characteristics of a middle child

Studies have shown that the characteristics displayed by a middle child are substantially different from that of his or her other siblings. They are usually listeners and not shouters. They observe the situation and environment before they react. They are very easy going and flexible, they like to keep the peace and are the first ones to solve a problem. They also are very sociable for they try to find relationships in their friends which are lacking in their family environment. They tend to keep more secrets and rarely open up to family members. They are self-sufficient and inventive finding ways to keep themselves entertained. Though being overlooked most of the time can lead to feeling unloved and uncared for. This might ignite behavioral issues which can cause problems later on.

How to raise a middle child successfully

Birth order has a lot to do with the personality of a child and as parents we are set a challenge for it is very easy to lose the middle child in the busy juggle of everyday family life. Here are some ways to cope:

Listen to your child

The fact that no one is listening to them is a common feeling that all middle children face. However busy you are make sure you have talked to your child every day, even an insignificant conversation about the weather and how they coped in the rain, can make them feeling important.

Find a talent

Middle child can suffer from low esteem and feelings that they are not special. Work with them to see what their interests are or if they are good at something. Suren loves to sing and we make it a point to give him all the credit he deserves on that.

Allow them to make decisions

Flanked by siblings on either side, the middle child might feel they don’t have a say in anything. Give them a chance to choose the movie for movie night. It gives them bundles of importance.

Stop Comparing

However much you want to, do not compare your children to each other, yes it is easier said than done. Treat each one uniquely and accept that each will display their own behavioral tendencies.

Hopefully if you have a middle child these are some useful tips of helping yourself to deal with the nagging feeling that you might be ignoring them. It is not intentional but it does happen and we as parents must set it right. Now I’m off to find my middle child, Happy parenting!

By Mayuri Jayasinghe