My older daughter, having made the transition from infant school to middle school was now faced with a brand new set of dilemmas. For once she learnt that there is a possibility that they are others who are better in certain fields than her and therefore she has limitations that she has to acknowledge and accept.

As adults we are quite comfortable in our limitations, we know how to live with them. Helping your child understand for the first time that they might not be the best in a certain activity should be done carefully so that long lasting scars are not established and the child does not digress into his or her own shell, refusing to try new and different interests. 

 

Obviously during their nursery and receptions years they are taught that they are good at everything, building self-confidence. Not one child is singled out to be better than others and therefore they tumble out of nursery oozing with self-assuredness and self-efficacy in everything that they do. But soon reality does set in, some children swim better, others run faster while there are those who are naturel songbirds.

 

Helping your child find their natural abilities is definitely a trial and error process. It is important not to put too much pressure on the child for abrupt failure can easily cause them to be too traumatized to try new activities and thus in turn prevent them from finding their natural abilities.

 

How to help the disappointed child

 

 

Despite the old adage of disappointment builds character or a few hard knocks are good for you, as good parents, and knowing that disappointments will lie in your child’s future it is up to us to help them accept and live with them as painlessly as possible. Here are some suggestions

 

Have a good flow of communication with your child. Talk to them about how they feel as to why they didn’t qualify for the swimming meet. Do not let the first port of call to be to give up swimming altogether.

 

Talk to them about requiring further lessons or maybe a different class. After trying all these, if your child still does not excel, then it is time to think of other avenues of exploration.

 

Encourage your child to take part in lots of activities that will expose their abilities. Only when you are a child can you evaluate whether you are a naturel pianist or an exceptional runner. This is the time to test those abilities to the max.

 

If your child does not do well and reacts negatively by bursting into tears for example, do not punish them for their negative behavior. Everyone needs a good cry when the chips are down, let them get it out of their systems and help them move on to better and more fulfilling activities.

 

If you have a naturel ability but your child fails to show any promise in the same field, try and not show your disappointment. Life moves in mysterious ways, and children want to please us immensely, sensing our disappointment, will only dishearten them further and in the end it will turn into a miserable exercise for all.

 

 

 

 

Stay positive at all times. Your positivity will surely be contagious and children will learn an important life lesson from your attitude, for despite in life when it doesn’t turn out how you hoped, it is more important to stay optimistic than succeed.

 

Taking pride in your child’s achievements is a wonderful gift bestowed on parents, but it doesn’t always have to be in the tangible form of a cup or a medal, taking pride in the fact that you have raised a happy child is a far more fulfilling attitude in life.

 

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.” - John Lennon

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By Mayuri Jayasinghe