Reining in the difficult one.

We tend to assume that our children are our mini-me’s. Yes they have the same features, the same little nuances that make them ours. But do they have the same personalities? As you know I have a house full of kids, all with different personalities of their own. One is loud, the other dreamy, another likes to take control and the last one just full to the brim with happiness. I admit I do see little patterns in behavior that tie them to me. We all come together and make what is uniquely known as our family. But I must say there are moments where they have me in states of bewilderment at their behavior. Was I like that I question my parents?. Did I refute and argue every point they made?. Did I willfully have a mind of my own, and did what I chose to do?. In retrospect of course I feel I was quite an obedient child, whatever my parents choose to say..well then WHY has it not trickled down to my children?.

Despite bearing similar features, there are instances where your children tend to act to their own preferences which are much different to yours. How do you parent such a child who acts and behaves quite differently from your own tendencies?  My oldest daughter is definitely the most different from the rest of the family. My husband and I are usually reserved but she is quite loud and forceful in nature, maybe it is her position in the family and maybe she displays such behavior to attract attention, but she over rules the rest of the siblings demanding her own say in everything. Parenting such a child can be extremely difficult. It usually results in exasperations on both sides, with punishments and claims of hatred being screamed as the eventual outcome. Does it really have to end so badly? Here are a few suggestions on how to parent your difficult child:

1. It has been said that difficult children are also highly intelligent. Which thus explains the need for constant attention and requests for new tasks and objectives to be given. It also explains the need to constantly chatter, the adjective high strung might come into mind. But it’s because their brains are always in the fifth gear racing along looking for the next new adventure. Keeping this in mind donot try to thwart that behavior, but instead encourage it to blossom, for in the formative years, our children are just trying to get their bearings. There will be many mishaps along the way, but when they do blossom they will surely show you brilliance.  

2. Sometimes it is good to loose a battle. A strong willed child will always try to win the battle. As the parent I understand the desire to keep your child on the straight and narrow, and thus in a typical parenting day with a strong willed child, will seem like obligatory warfare. Of course in some instances you will definitely have to hold your ground, but certain battles let them win. You need to give in sometimes into their storng willed, so that you can achieve the bigger picture.

3. Younger strong willed children say between the years of 2 to 3, according to the experts need more guidance rather than punishments. You need to cajole them along and depending on how much they understand reiterate the right and wrong to them through examples etc. rather than out right punishments. This will only confuse and make them more angrier, resulting in futile exercise of wasted emotions.

4. Distractions and also having a clear cut schedule will help the spirited child avoid taking the path of tantrums. If you can sense an argument or a tantrum arising then distract the child as best as you can. You might not avoid it all together, but you can divert some of the storm. Every expert says that children thrive on knowing a routine, if your child knows what is expected of them, then there will be ways in avoiding the little fights that turn into big ones along the course of the day. Also strong-willed children thrive on independence, when the time is right allow them the freedom of managing the little things in their lives. This will definitely make a happier child and a quieter household.

5. Any child difficult or not, requires love. Everybody thrives on love, and despite at the end of the day despite how exhausted you are, how demotivated you are with the turn of events, show your children love and the rest will fall into place. In dealing with a difficult child you are truly pushed to your limits, but remember, tomorrow is a new day and start it with love and it will makes things easier for sure.

Raising spirited children is not easier, never does a day go by without some altercation. But on the flipside of it, they are also beautiful, complicated exciting works of art, which will have you trembling with pride at their brilliance. Enjoy your spirted child, they can only make your life a little more colorful.

By Mayuri Jayasinghe