Face it, there comes a period in your child's life where you, the parent, are not perfect. When I say perfect I mean your children would prefer that you listen to them rather than vice versa. With a pubescent teen and a ten year old who follows suite in behaviour I am riddled with imperfection as my children so vehemently tell me. When asked to do their homework, off the T.V or no more ice-cream, I get that nasty look and the muttered “Mum's being difficult again, or she's so unfair”. What really gets under my skin is “Why don't you leave me alone and why are you so mean!”. SIGH. Rather than go screaming into the night at the utter frustration, as parents, we must hold ground and deal with the issues at hand.

Disciplining your children at any age is not easy. If a child needs to be disciplined then there is obviously a trouble a brew. The younger party in question are not willing to listen to your requests and there will be a loss of temper, screaming and maybe eventual punishments being adhered. Sometimes constantly having to keep you children on the straight and narrow causes frictions in your parenting relationship. You are human after all, and if like me with little patience, the disobedient children who usually gang up on me and demand I take sides in a brewing fight frequently do not get my sympathy rather more my wrath. How can we discipline our children and still maintain that friction-less relationship?

The answer to this is to build one our relationship with our child so that they are acceptable to our corrections. The key to achieving desirable behaviour lies on the strength of our relationship with our child. What have you done today to strengthen this relationship, here are a few helpful suggestions:

1. Allocate sometime, maybe on the weekend, doing an activity that your child prefers. Each child could take turns selecting something to do. This technique can be applied to a child of any age. For giving that child the choice and being interested, attentive and enjoying that time together, strengthens the parenting bond further. What children crave most of the time is your time, how easily can that be given which in turns results in the copious amounts of happiness felt by your child.

2. Teach empathy, be sympathetic to their feelings. When a child is feeling distraught, angry or upset, hold back reacting to the verbal abuse hurled at you, instead talk them through their feelings. Be open, be caring, talk, listen and walk your child emotionally through that sensitive moment.

3. Especially in small children, if you see a destructive situation happening, direct them into a another activity, distract them with a book or a toy. This is a surefire way to avoid a meltdown on both sides.

4. Of course children need to be told why their behaviour is unacceptable. The end result to the problem should always be to distract or talk them through their emotions. You must also follow up in a more quieter time, when both parties are less emotionally chagrined to explain what behaviour is acceptable or not.

5. Make sure the rules enforced are appropriate to age level. As your little baby/toddler/child gets older and enters the teenage years give them some level of independence. They are after all fledgling adults and it is best to let them take these chances whilst they are under your wing rather than suffer alone.

Sometimes in the convoluted hurriedness of everyday lives, we forget to work on these intrinsic aspects of our relationship with our children. This is equally as important as looking after their physical needs. Have you hugged your child today, really spoken to them rather than asking what they ate and what they did? Yes the parenting relationships throughout the twists of time, will take many bends and surges, hold on to dear life its a wild ride. Ride it well! Happy parenting!

By Mayuri Jayasinghe