My oldest daughter used to suffer from severe separation anxiety; at least I thought it was severe because I used to feel like the worst mum in the worldevery time I drove away after leaving her in daycare, where the carer would drag her off kicking and screaming. My heart would sink and I felt like screaming ‘Okay I will quit my job, can I take my daughter home now!’ But of course this lasted for about only a couple of weeks, until she found out what a fun place nursery was and then I would spend the afternoons dragging home a toddler who didn’t want to go home. KIDS I tell you!

But in all fairness ‘Separation Anxiety’ can be a serious issue for parents to deal with. Children start to suffer from it from about the age of 12 months when they are able to recognize people clearly and if among unfamiliar faces then this makes then panic and unsettles them for even though you are leaving the room they are unable to grasp the knowledge that you will be back. In most cases children who suffer from ‘normal’ separation anxiety usually grow out of it but there are those for whom it is a serious issue. These separation anxiety bouts will stem from a serious emotional crisis that the child is dealing with, where they do not want to leave your safe side and in such cases as this it is best to get the assistance of a child psychologist to help your child through their fears.

But for those you suffer through the normal bouts of it, here are some tips on how to deal with it successfully.

At the initial ‘baby’ stage:

By the age of eight to nine months, babies will start to feel a little anxious when you are not around. Break them in slowly to this phase. Ask your babysitter to come to your house to watch them, they are least in familiar settings.

Leave your baby with your baby sitter for short amounts of time, children are able to cope with  short bursts of independence.

Try and leave them either after a nap or a meal. Do not try and leave them when you know they are in bad moods, this will only aggravate the situation.

Have a goodbye ritual, a fun sort of goodbye hug, tickle or a kiss that the baby takes pleasure in.

Don’t make your goodbye ritual a typical ‘sri lanka goodbye’, where we take another good hour to leave once we have decided to leave!. Make it short and sweet and don’t look back. They might cry initially but they will definitely settle down.

At the school stage:

Making sure children are happy and settled in school is very important. All children will definitely suffer from some anxiety at being left in a strange place for the first time, here are some tips of how to combat this.

Talk to you child a month in advance about school, make it a fun magical place and tell them all the fun they will have.

Nurseries are very good at breaking children into their new environments.  They always have settling in periods where the child is left for a hour or so, before the full morning is done.

Don’t whatever you do, linger and look miserable about the whole situation, children are very susceptible to our feelings. Be positive, sound positive, keep telling them all the fun they will have.

If child is old enough, buy them a watch and tell than that when the hour hand reaches a particular point they will definitely come to get them. It gives children something to look forward to.

Try and not be late to pick them up, your child will start to get anxious if they see other children leaving and they are still left behind.

I admit parents it is not easy. Cutting those apron strings and letting your children out into the big bad world!. Have the good cry if you like, but you want your children to do well and they definitely will with all the support you give them!

By Mayuri Jayasinghe