My son happens to be the only boy in a family of four children. He is surrounded by women, with his sisters who pester him, a mother who demands obedience and domestics who trouble him about missing socks, he is severely outnumbered.  There are days he takes refuge in the gardener’s shed, just to be away from the troublesome females. Out of all my children my son was the most easiest baby to manage and the most friendliest toddler to play with, he was overall a very easy going child. But as he starts to get older, I feel, as a mother it is much harder to parent him.

He hardly listens to my demands, gets easily annoyed when I lay down restrictions and is most times in a foul mood with me over something trivial. Though there are days where we are the best of friends, everything is smooth sailing until I utter one wrong word or command he dislikes then the tantrums begins.

My daughters are very different, they squabble with me constantly but everything is forgotten in a matter of minutes. I am definitely not one of those mother’s who favors one child over the other, and my son doesn’t get any preferential treatment just because he is the minority. Fortunately my husband and him, have a great relationship he simply adores his father listening to everything he has to say.

There are some days I wonder what happened to that sweet little boy who used to follow me around the house. But as my husband says this is just a phase, and since I am the parent who is mostly at home it is up to me to weathered the tumultuous renderings of it. Here are some ways to strengthen the mother son bond:

Boys communicate differently from girls: While my daughter will complain about every single thing that bothers her from why she can’t have matching hair clips to who sat next to her in class, boys very rarely communicate their feelings. Rather than saying they are tired, hungry or unhappy, they will act out in other ways like pick a fight with a sibling, play ball in the house or disappear into their rooms.

Now if we go after them for their bad behavior that will not solve the matter but exacerbate it to a more frenzied chaotic mess that results in tears and ultimatums. Bad behavior doesn’t necessarily mean that the child is being unruly but instead he is trying to tell you that something is wrong.

Teach them to communicate: It is an established fact than boys communicate less than girls. This is the root of many problems in life as boys turn into men. But as they are growing up we can teach boys to use words rather than actions to convey their thoughts and feeling. Teaching and improving your child’s emotional intelligence, that is the ability to articulate their thoughts and feelings does wonders to them later in life. Once communication has been established it is also important for you to take the time to listen to them when they do speak. That does not mean you are busy checking e-mails or giving the cook orders whilst your young son explains to you his problem. Have one on one uninterrupted time, when your son is ready to speak.

Analyze your own expectations: According to one psychologist sometimes your expectations reflect strongly on your child. You expect them to be naughty, they act naughty. You expect them to not listen, they don’t listen. Children are very attitutive to parents thoughts and feelings. If we approach the situation blazing with anger and ready to point fingers and dole out punishments they are ready to shut down and act just as badly as we expect them to.

Enjoy moments with your child: In our large child family we rarely have time to do things alone. Everything is done in a group. Not everyone is wired the same way and sometimes you might have to spend some one on one time with your son to really get to know him.

Being a parent is the single most difficult job in the world, yes you can be a parent, but you have to be a parent that gets it right. At the end of the day there are no sorrys or reimbursements etc for a job done wrong. These are our children and we have one shot to get it right, lets give it all we’ve got. If you find your relationship with your son a bit strained these days, understand the above suggestions and I hope your parenting days will get a bit more calmer.

By Mayuri Jayasinghe