So Parents, I am unfortunately in the thick of things, the lying years. My eight year and three year old have found out that I am not really a mind reader and the best way to get out of trouble is to lie. Of course my oldest lies foolishly getting caught the moment she has lied but my youngest is a bit more devious, with her cute puppy dog eyes she can have me believing anything.

As a mother, I worry, I worry about the moral standards of my children and if I don’t nip it in the bud now, they will end up having devastating adult lives filled with crime and corruption. Yes a bit overboard, BUT I must say it is thoroughly frustrating when I ask “Aloka have you washed your face’ and she says ‘Yes mum’ and I can quite clearly see her afternoon lunch still smeared over her face or if I ask ‘ Did you throw the empty juice carton in the bin’ and she goes ‘Yes Mum’ but I see it clearly sticking out from under the couch. I her told she wasn’t a very good liar.

Children start lying around three years old when they have figured out that they can get out of trouble if they don’t tell the truth. They lie the most between the ages of 4 to 6, when they find that the easiest way to get out of trouble is to not tell the truth and nobody is wiser. The lies get more sophisticated as they reach 8 and 10 for they are now able to gage how people think, but hopefully as Parents we should try and put a stop to this beforehand.

Why do children lie?

Children lie for various reasons –

The most common being to avoid punishment or responsibility. It is nice to take the easy way out they find.

Children sometimes lie to see how their Parents will respond, which basically means that they are seeking attention. For example rather that say I broke my water bottle maybe if I blame someone else and make a fantastical story then mum and dad will probably pay more attention.

They like to exaggerate a story or impress others with their feats and accomplishments.

Children lie because adults lie. It has been found that on average an adult lies in 1 to 5 social interactions.

Obviously these are small white lies but to children they are still lies and if they see you do it then they believe that it is accepted behavior.

Honesty Tips

Since they are still children we have time to mold these bad habits out of them. Here are some tips to prevent lying:

Try and ask questions that would not instigate a lie. For example if you see milk spilt, don’t say ‘Did you spill this milk?’ instead say ‘I see there is milk spilt, shall we clean it up?’ . In this way you are putting your child in a situation where they cannot respond to a lie.

If you feel that your child is telling exaggerated stories, they are looking for attention and are seeking reassurance in their self-esteem, be sure to praise them constantly.

Instill in your child the rules of the house and lying is definitely not an accepted form of behavior. Children like boundaries and will more likely behave accordingly.

If your child does own up to doing something wrong, praise them accordingly. By paying a lot of attention and receiving a positive reaction from you and they will enjoy the praise.

If your child continues to lie, use consequences and discipline strategies to combat the lying. For example if they drew on the wall get them to clean it. Or if the lying persists then discipline accordingly.

Lying is an ugly habit and it is even uglier when our children do it. Help your children see the wrong of it and show them the more acceptable modes of behavior. Don’t give in to the lies. Good Luck!

By Mayuri Jayasinghe