Style That Never Goes Out Of Fashion - Parenting Style

In the middle of one of my 'mummy rants' in which I was admonishing my ten year old on her ability to waste time in front of the T.V rather than to something productive, I suddenly had a realization, I sounded just like my mother. I can't count the number of times when I was a child and I was told to do such and such a thing which I didn't like, I'd swear under my breath that I would never turn out like my parents. I would be the cool mother!

But I think we've all had these thoughts where we think when I have children I'm going to do it differently. My children are going to love me, there will be no arguments or fights, we'll just have endless days of laughter and good times. Kill the violins, pop those happy parenting bubbles in reality it is not a piece of cake. As my children get older and more focused on school I find myself usually screaming orders and ultimatums. Forever in the back of my mind is the pressure to do right by them and make sure they are on the correct path to success. Most times in exasperation I find myself wailing 'Children nowadays don't behave like we used to, no way would we act or behave in such a manner'. This is the age old adage that every parent laments, my parents said to me and I say it to my children. But the reality is that children are children and we are just trying to be 'learn as you go along' parents.

Parenting should not be all tantrums, arguments and door banging. I want my children to remember me as a fun parent rather than mum who was always mad about something. Saying this I also do not want to be their 'buddy' either. Therefore I believe we have to find a happy median, your children have to learn that you are willing to goof around with them, but also at the end of the day you are the parent and you make the rules. At the risk of being labeled an 'uncool parent' this is an important relationship to cultivate. Your children do not need more friends, they need someone to tell them what to do, keeping their best interests at heart.

Change your parenting styles according to the different stages in your child's life. When my children were smaller I would say my parenting was quite mild. I shed away from routines as much as possible, if we wanted to watch 'teletubbies' at 1.00 in the morning we did it or if we wanted to have our meals in picnic form in the garden every day, we did it. I was a new parent and it was so refreshing to see life and enjoy it through my children's eyes. As they got older I felt I had to now start teaching them the rules of correct behavior. With commitments from school mounting, I had to be the killjoy of late night T.V on a school night or spur of the moment sleep overs with friends just because they had homework to do. Then as they reach adulthood, the disciplinarian in me will have to give away to more of the listener and supporter.

Your parenting styles should change depending on the child. Sometimes because of the personality of the children, what works for one child does not work for the other. My oldest daughter is a free spirit, she is bundles of fun and if I didn't have to parent her it would always be just one big party everyday. But reality is that we have certain commitments in life to meet and I usually have to be the strict disciplinarian and reign her in. My son on the other hand is much more amiable, he is easy going in every situation.

Despite the number of parenting guides out there, it is usually by instinct that we raise our children. Whether you choose to be the cool parent or the uncool parent it is your choice. Parenting styles are complicated and multifaceted,  influenced by parent and child. It permeates through the test of time and will always be in fashion!

By Mayuri Jayasinghe