Well parents, 2013 has dawned with a bang and once again we have another whole year stretched out before us in which we can give ‘this parenting thing’ another shot and see if we can get it right again. I am sure you’re all curious to know what regrets I have, it’s hard to pinpoint them exactly but I know, being human I have had some. I’ve probably not counted to ten before I screamed at one of my children for breaking my good crystal or said a few choice words in front of my open mouth eight year old when I stubbed my toe to which she runs off shouting ’mummy said a naughty word’ or ordered way too many pizzas resulting in Pizza Hut has giving me free coupons as a Christmas present for being one of their best customers, not really something to brag about I would say.
But enough of that, that was last year and this year I plan to have a stellar record, I plan to dazzle the world with my parenting abilities. Just in case you share the same sentiments here are some parenting ‘fails’ to avoid.
1. Giving more attention to the youngest child
Having had a baby a month ago, this is definitely one that I will have to work on this year. It is instinctive to immediately give preference to the most youngest and thus most vulnerable, but it is also important to remember that we have other children in the house who equally require your attention. When there is an imbalance in the attention given those left out will start to feel inferior and unloved and might even start acting up to get your attention.
2. Over protection and pampering
Our children are our greatest achievements in life and seeing them in any distress causes us only
grief. But there is a fine line between protecting them and pampering them. By teaching them
to cope and dealing with their problems rather than solve them ourselves, we are reiterating
valuable life lessons for their futures.
3. Neglecting the child
With our busy work schedules and the availability of good help, we sometimes inadvertently neglect out children. Despite the fact that you might always be around, the children will not be spending that time with you but under the supervision of a nanny, for you to occasionally give them an acknowledgement is not enough. Thus with the lack of your one to one attention the child does not learn any social skills and would later grow up to be cold and unsociable.
4. Comparing children to each other
Every time my children bring home tests and projects I have to take a moment and stop myself from asking ‘who got the highest’ or ‘who won the prize’. By comparing your children to each other you give rise to feelings of jealousy and lack of self confidence in later life.
5. Authoritarian Parenting
With four children in the house and the occasional cousin coming to stay, I have to be strict in my parenting and make sure all rules are adhered to, otherwise there will be chaos and mayhem, with little accomplished. But according to the experts, authoritative parenting is not the best option, constantly being shouted at and scolded causes children to lack self-confidence and become procrastinators later on.
When parenting, it is good to be aware of the problems at hand, but it unlike fixing a broken down machine you can’t just identify the problem areas, find solutions and then expect things to be alright forever.
It is an ongoing process, constantly worked on and revalued. I think one of the first factors to acknowledge is that we are not perfect parents and then the rest is easy.
Happy Parenting in 2013.
By Mayuri Jayasinghe
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