Quite recently, William and Kate, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, one of the most famous young families was criticized heavily for vacationing without their young baby George. Little George was left with Kate’s parents and a barrage of nannies and security, of course being the future heir to the throne, that is usual protocol. Newspapers and the usual mummy groups tutted and shook their heads in dismay at the abandonment of Little George, whilst their parents frolicked under the Maldivian sun. I, of course thought the new parents were NOT in the wrong at all. I would vacation more often without my children, but unfortunately dubious childcare and certainly no security, make it a dream to aspire to.

In eleven years of marriage, my husband and I have had possibly a handful of night outs and maybe two holidays without the kids. When they were babies, drenched in motherly love I couldn’t fathom leaving my small children behind, so we would pack our numerous bags and the kids and go everywhere. Those kinds of holidays were never stress free and we came back more tired than rested. When the kids get older I thought it would be easier to leave them behind, but I’m still awfully reluctant to leave them, I keep thinking now that they are older they would love to share these experiences. So it’s a vicious cycle of discontentment. We crave time alone without the kids, but feel guilty when we do get it. In hindsight and with plenty of expert recommendations, it’s actually a good thing to occasionally vacation without your children.

Here are some gentle persuasions to convince the undecided parent:

1. Life with kids is extremely hectic with no pause or stop button. Therefore it helps to get away for a few days without the chaos, so you can relax and recharge you batteries. You are after all human and as we get older not driven on limitless energy, we need a break sometime. Try and not go on too complicated holidays, just somewhere you can rest, relax and recharge and come back into being a better, happier parent.

2. Always putting your family first means that you tend to lose your individuality. From the meals that I prepare, to the entertainment we pursue I always think what would the kids like, irrespective of what I would like. To regain that individuality do something centered on you, a hobby or a class that does not involve your children. I find my writing an escape and pursue it whole heartedly, even though I still write about family affairs, it’s my little hobby and it allows me a moment to step back from my busy life and loose myself.

3. You sometimes do not realize how during the day every activity you do, you center it around the kids. Whether it’s going for a walk or doing the shopping the kids are always taken along. Sometimes thinking in silence is a luxury. Try and do these little activities once in awhile by yourself. You can get your partner to watch the kids for a couple hours, rather than make these mundane tasks stressful with screaming kids, give yourself a moment to relax and do the ordinary.

4. Sometimes after years of living in a marriage with kids, you forget about the two of you. You forgot how to spend time alone together, because somewhere there is a child, either playing under the bed or snuggled into the covers. Just as you spend time working on raising your children, you need to spend time working on your marriage. Be it meeting for lunch, for a cup of tea or fanciful vacations abroad, do it without the kids. Being a stronger, happier couple will only reflect back on the kids and this in turn will enrich your family as a whole.

I reassure you that you will feel guilty the first time you travel without the kids, that feeling will never go away, but just like you work on every other aspect of your life; you also need to commit to yourself and your marriage. Time away from kids is good for all concerned. Try it you’ll be surprised!

Text by Mayuri Jayasinghe