Baby Banter : It is the end of the world
Word on the streets is that there is a Royal baby about to be born. How exciting I say, though mum to be Duchess Kate seems to not be doing so well, with a severe case of morning sickness, known as hyperemesis gravidarum. Hey this baby’s stealing my limelight, which is trying to be the most difficult baby on earth! I gave my mum hell throughout her pregnancy, she had lovely morning sickness in the first three months, followed by inextinguishable fiery heartburn in the next three and then to finish off the last three months I was so large she couldn’t get comfortable in any position. Now that I’m here the ‘mummy abuse’ continues, with sleepless nights, constant spit ups and dirty diapers just when she puts a fresh one on me. I love doing that, keeps them on their toes, though I know my mummy loves me because she’s thrown out all her Victoria Secret lacy flowery brassieres and invested in some ‘ big enough to fit a cow’s udder in’ new feeding bras. Dad’s not going to be happy, but HEY I’m her number one priority Daddio, cool those loins and stand back!!!!
So apparently my excellent vocal chords are keeping Dad up at night, well how sad, I was just doing some carol singing with the holidays approaching and all that. Dad’s not got the same good taste in music as I have it appears. Anyways, since my Dad’s a ‘lets solve the problem NOW’ kinda guy and ‘deal with the consequences later’, he goes to the new Mothercare and gets me a soother. WOOOAHH NELLY, did I like it or what, I took to it like duck to water. Wherever I go me soother goes, remember that folks, otherwise the vocal chords go into overtime. Mum got a lot of flack from her ‘Know-it-all’ Aunties who kept going on about disfiguring the child, cow-catcher for life and so on. What are these oldies talking about? Anyways all I know is Mum’s going to have a time separating me from my soothie-friend when I’m older, thanks to Dad. It’s supposed to be the end of the world this week according to the Mayans so maybe Mum doesn’t really have to worry about solving soothie problem in later years. We would all be destroyed anyways.
It’s the holidays everyone, time to be merry and giving, I might sleep for four hours rather than two tonight, be ‘giving’ to Mum you know. She’s so beautiful my mum, with her unwashed hair and her baby spit-up stained jammies, she’s a beauty. I keep an eye on her as she sits down to watch the millionaire show with a great big slice of Christmas cake, diet forgotten I see, but whoopeee Christmas cake flavoured breast milk, my favourite.
Merry Christmas everyone!
Text by Mayuri Jayasinghe
(Lets face it kids are full of honesty, they say it as they see it. This is a new column written from the ‘HONEST’ observations from our children. It touches on all aspects of the process of growing up and how we as parents can improve ourselves from a child’s point of view).
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