I never thought twice about being a parent, in other words it just happened. My husband and I are not ones to have long drawn out elaborate “time” sequenced plans of when we would do “when” in our lives, life itself takes a hold of us and we hold on for dear life. Such was the interesting ride we got on when we became pregnant with our first child. Gone were the late nights, lazy morning lay ins, the exhilarating thought of the lack of responsibility, the spur of the moment adventures, we realized it's time to grow up and become adults for in nine months we are solely responsible for another human being.
Car, mortgage, house, crib, all in that order acquired, we were indeed ready for the full human experience. As we jokingly refer to our relationship with our children, it was indeed a full ON human experience. From the colicky baby that screamed throughout the night, to the tantrums that would reach decibel level that even opera singers couldn't strive to. The lack of personal space of body and mind, the inability to find time to even open the mail, the rare moments spent whispering conversations as the baby slept, this was NOW our lives. Our children had taken over, crawled into every crook and cranny that resembled our normal everyday selves and completely fought and conquered the parental territory. Yes the baby to toddler years were difficult, sometimes soul-crushingly bordering on the impossible, the cranky baby, the sleep deprived us, as new parents it is alright to admit that it's hard. There is no stigma in saying I love my child but she's a lot of work.
Though, take comfort this full human experience does not, thankfully stay in the cranky baby mode, it actually evolves like a caterpillar into a butterfly, into an experience that is most beautiful. The baby, becomes a toddler, the toddler becomes a child, she or he stops wanting you as much. Your child begins to grow up and start doing things on their own, allowing us to take a few steps back and start giving her the reigns on our crazy ride called life. There’s an unexpected sadness to getting your life back. Where times I was the source of all knowledge from how much is 2 plus 2 to when did dinosaurs exist, now her time is spent in her room and Google is her source for answers. Her life is becoming hers and I’m fascinated by where it’s going to go. But it’s bittersweet that she needs me less and less. Sometimes it feels like I have been dragged to party that I didn't want to go to in the first place, but once there I started having the time of my life only to realize that it has to come to an end and I will have to leave. Our relationship with our children is quite similar to that, despite the love and joy at having them in our lives they are a lot of hard work. Yes at some point they become less dependent on you, taking those tiny steps to make their own decisions, but that itself is an emotional process for us. For having being there from day one and feeling that we are the best to make these decisions, we now have to take a 180 and let go of our precious cargo in life. It is important that we accept this rather than fight it, our children are growing up and we need to step back, we need to let go. For if we are unable to get the right balance we will loose them. If we do not accept the fact that they are individuals themselves and whether we feel they make the right decisions or not, our role in life has been now changed from being the one who controlled to more of the supporter.
It's a changed full on human experience that we have to adapt to, we have to find our once lost selves and stop living through the lives of children for our happiness. Getting the chance to be a parent is truly a blessing, it's not one that come easy, there are many trials and tribulations, but it is one that will fill your heart and life with in-quantifiable joy. That is indeed a full human experience, one you don't want to miss.
By Mayuri Jayasinghe
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