Free your children, teach them responsibility.

Recently I was asked to return back to work for a short period, elated I couldn’t wait to start, but reality set in sooner than I expected…what would happen to the children?. My presence, I felt, was crucial in their afternoon routine, after school. From cajoling them through lunch and onto more activities I felt as usual I would have to sacrifice for the sake of them. It doesn’t have to be so, comforted a friend of mine. They are after all older and should be able to take on more responsibility, there will be staff to oversee them and we can always be there in flash if something goes wrong. The “if something goes wrong” echoed gloomily through my head. Every parent’s nightmare, is if something were to happen to their precious bundles of joy. But I thought this would be a good experience for me, as well as for them and thus accepted my new post. The result surprised me more than I thought!

Therefore in my absence the parenting show must go on, and I carefully organized for my children’s lives to run just as smoothly. Usually afternoons, post school, are filled with various activities, with the older three being driven in different directions, from singing to dancing to swimming it’s usually a coordinator’s nightmare. But it was time I started to let go and teach my oldest the age old art of assuming responsibility. Of course as a parent this is easier said than done. We are always thinking the worst, in this case scenario, we think they will get lost, kidnapped, will argue, fight..whatever it is we conjure up the grandiose disaster’s. So my oldest was asked to accompany my youngest daughter to her ballet class, of course under the distant watchful eye of a staff member. She took on this job with utter glee, in my absence, the younger sister was dressed dutifully in the right ballet attire, carefully taken and she had even gone to the extent of packing her sister a treat post class, which I thought was exceptionally brilliant on her part. So despite my parenting woes, things did go smoothly, and my child gained confidence at her newly acquires responsibilities.

Teaching children responsibilities is infact a life skill, from getting them to wash their plate, to organizing their school clothes etc, you are indeed setting down the foundation for a more responsible adult in the later years. Here’s how to do it!

1. Start young: You cannot all of a sudden expect your teenager or even your young adult child, to start becoming responsible. It does not happen overnight. The sudden outburst of freedom at that age would just backfire and instead of staying on the straight and narrow, they will start to deviate. Therefore start from the toddler years, give them small tasks and let it grow from there.

2. Get them involved: We all grumble at household tasks, I think it’s a tedious affair. But it has to be fun therefore take that opportunity to engage the kids in some life learning skills. If it’s the laundry you are doing, get them to fold their clothes and put away in their cupboards, in this way they know where everything is when they have to get ready, another task they can go do by themselves.

3. Praise builds confidence: Always praise them for the little tasks done. It might not be as perfect as you would like but your children have diligently done it and that is a big accomplishment in itself.

4. Avoid rewards: Experts advise to avoid rewards, praise is good. But certain things the child is expected to do and if you were to start rewarding for every little thing done, then it could get out of hand.

5. Structure and Routine: For kids structure and routine is very important for responsibility to thrive. When kids are aware of what is expected of them at what time, then it is easy to advise them to assume responsibility for themselves.

As parents we always want to be there for over children. But letting them assume responsibility is beneficial for both, it is a cathartic process for us for it’s taking baby steps to the eventual day that they will leave home as adults. But in the meantime it is good to give them responsibilities under our watchful eyes. So give your children freedom, give them responsibilities and let them take flight!

By Mayuri Jayasinghe