Why it’s exhausting to be a kid?

Being a mother and constantly at someone’s beck and call, looking back, I quite liked my carefree childhood. A childhood filled with no responsibilities, no unnecessary pressures on myself, where everything was done for me and my only problem for that day was what book I should read. Of course it helped that I was quite an obedient child, letting my parents do most of the decision making and thus leaving me to my own devices. Now being a mother and inundated with responsibilities over missing socks, or pacifying warring siblings, or knee deep in household commitments, I sometimes crave my uncomplicated youth. My husband has a different perspective on his childhood, he wasn’t a big fan he says. He hated the lack of independence, the constant need to follow others’ rules, the requirements of obedience, the lack of being one’s own person. Which made me wonder, do our children really like being children?.

It can be an exhausting journey if you think about it. From the moment they are born, as parents we are looking towards the next phase. How soon will they talk, how soon will they walk?. Whizzing through, the baby and toddler years, once they reach the infant and child stage we start to crank up on the parenting. In the hopes of doing the best by our child, we drive them to the umpteenth classes, we urge them to play instruments or follow a sport and we expect them to excel at school. On top of that there is the everyday behavior, we expect manners, we expect them to do things according to a schedule, we expect them to display exceptional behavior. From the moment your child wakes up they are running from task to task from expectation to expectation…It IS exhausting being a kid!! As a kid you are told what to eat, don’t like greens, too bad kid’s job is to eat them, what to wear, not crazy about stripes today, too bad Mummy couldn’t do the laundry, it’s stripe day today and when to nap, not sleepy at all, too bad Mummy needs a breather, it’s nap time.

Have we ever thought about how our children are affected by the constant demands and pressures on them?. Of course as parents we dole out requirements and are surprised when they are met with moans and groans. After all we are all human there has to be a limit to what  we can take. But the other thing about children is that despite how much they disagree with us will always come back to you, for the love between parent and child is forever strong. Maybe there are ways in which we can ease off on the hard parenting and still get our message across. Here are some suggestions:

1. Once your child reaches a certain age, give them the independency of looking after themselves. Of course as the parent you still have the right to disagree with clothing etc. But giving them that autonomy to think and do things on their own will encourage them to do what is expected of them. It is a form of reverse psychology but it works, for they appreciate the fact that they believe in them.

2. Once your child successfully carries out his tasks, make sure you praise him accordingly. Remember in the first instance they might not always get it right, but to give them time and with encouragement and belief in them, this will do wonders for their confidence.

3. Never compare your children to others. We are all guilty of inquiring over other’s grades or how fellow students fared, just to see where are children stand? But in their eyes this is comparing them, and they feel compelled to try harder to achieve these targets in your eyes. This can cause your child to burnout quite easily.

4. When your children are smaller, of course it is your responsibility to guide them, but as they get older encourage them to offer their opinion. Ask for their views on a certain family project or where they want to go for holiday etc. This will help alleviate some of the feelings of being under someone’s thumb, which is usually a problem in any child’s life.

Sometimes it is a fine line we walk on, as parents we want to do what is right by our children. But in the midst of the chaos we forget that they are individuals as well and will have they own wants, needs and ideas. It’s finding a balance point is the key to good parenting. I hope my children will look back and say they had a good childhood, of course we are still beginning this crazy dance of ours, but if I get my parenting right, in my opinion I would have conquered miracle.

By Mayuri Jayasinghe