The parent to child relationship goes through many twists and turns, and eventually, in some cases it ends up being strained and difficult during the latter stages. The grown child takes care of elderly parent out of obligation, the relationship is hollow and devoid of any true sentiment from the child to the parent. In the beginning though as parents look after the newborn child, there is only feelings of love and pride...so what went wrong one thinks? In general conversation with some colleagues at this sad but intriguing observance, many commented on the fact that parenting today is different from parenting of yesteryear. Yes I do agree with that point. Others commented that these new fangled parenting techniques, of spending quality time, listening to the child, adopting modern parenting tactics didn't exist in the olden day. Parenting like any other aspect of society has evolved with the times. Yes modern day parents might adopt different views in rearing children, the practice might be different but whether we are looking at fifty years ago to the times of today, it still boils down to the core of the matter …..the “parent to child relationship”.

Just as there are bad children, there also exists bad parents. A bad parent produces a child who grows up to become a bad parent themselves. When I say “bad” I mean in the context of rearing children. Even the wise, most educated man can get it wrong. It's not dependent on knowing the latest theories or dealing with difficult children, its protecting, guiding, and building on that prefect relationship. Like a fragile egg it can be broken, and sometimes impossible to put back together. Therefore the first step is knowing that we, as parents have an immense task before us, and rather than fall into the vicious cycle of bad parenting let's give all that we have to make it right. Here are some work in progress tips at not becoming a BAD parent:

1. Life is not always a bed of roses, sometimes just surviving the day seems like trying to control a burgeoning crisis that is about to explode. Working under all this intensity and pressure to get things right, to make things right, causes us to be tetchy and teetering on the border of a meltdown. The final trigger might be if someone spills their milk at the table, you go ballistic fueled much by your difficult day. This behavior leaves children confused and resentful. They don't understand the pressures of work and relationships. They just see an irate parent shouting at them over something they didn't intentionally do. When parenting, leave your bad mood, your disagreeable self at the door, for if a child only sees you in a irate state, they will eventually prefer not to spend time with you.

2. Be mindful of how you react to certain situations, children can definitely be trying and you will spend your whole day needling them to do the right thing. Ones patience will severely be tested but remember to react to things in perspective. A child who ruthlessly gets scolded for say not picking up their socks will not listen when you react to a more serious offense in the same manner, and this begins the breakdown of this sensitive relationship.

3. Be easy on the critiques. Sometimes you feel that you are helping when you are criticizing every little thing the child does, if they make the bed you say it could have been done better, if the child has A's and B's all you talk about the “C” they got. Over criticizing is a surefire way to alienate your child, children are learning as they go, and praise will win their hearts more easily.

4. Try and not say “No” all the time, Yes children are unreasonable, left to their own devices they will eat all the candy and stay up all night. But as parents if we refuse every request they have this gives them the impression that we don't need to consulted later in life, because our answer will only be no, anyways. Don't let negativity rule the relationships, find moments to say “YES”.

At the end of the day, children want parents that they can rely and depend on, ones who will love them no matter what the situation. Yes you feel that is you, but this message eventually gets lost in the treacherous journey of parenting. When children are not given the love and support they crave they close one door only to seek it elsewhere. It goes without saying that being a parent is one of the most difficult occupations in existence, but when much is given, much is expected. Raise your children right.

By Mayuri Jayasinghe