Much like the irritating sounds of screeching cats or fingernails on blackboard, the sound of my children whining leaves me in an unwelcome perplexed state. Be it because I said it's bedtime now or no more ice cream or it's time to leave a fun birthday party, the downturn mouths, the desperate cling to my arm and the screeching “MUM, please” is an irritation beyond belief in my case. In most times rather than face the barrage of shouts and screams that follow if I say “NO” I do give in on certain things just to maintain the peace. The extra scoop of ice cream is allowed and an extra ten minutes of play before bedtime is acceptable I feel, but then I do not think I am really solving matters.

For when a child realizes that whining and pleading will get them what they want, however big or small, then that becomes a normal way of behaviour. What astounds me though is that when I say NO to the child made request, the quest to get that “YES” from me continues. A child who gives up on the first attempt at doing an intricate math puzzle will unbashfully persevere to get that “alright” from me until one of us gives in. I admire the dedication, but sometimes wish it was used elsewhere! How to get children to stop whining is an age old question that all parents would love the answer for, to make that request to your children and not hear any complaints back would be bliss.

Here are some ways to stop the whining:

1.Keep your cool: However escalatingly annoying the situation is, whether you can’t take one more scream, remember to keep your cool. Do not react to the bad behaviour unfolding before you. Yes I agree that this is more easily said than done. But in a quiet moment once all the hoop la has died down, tell your child that next time you will not respond to their behaviour, unless they talk properly and show proper behaviour. This is best done in a quiet moment when both are responsive rather than in the heat of the situation. And if a whine does occur, keep a straight face and proceed with what you initially intended to do. After a few sessions when you do not respond to their behaviour children will learn.

2.Discipline as well as praise when necessary: When your child does display unacceptable behaviour, then follow up with a suitable discipline, a timeout or confiscation of a toy. This shows the child that their bad behaviour has consequences. At the same time if a child does display good behaviour then reward them accordingly. Using phrases like “My ears love it when you use the nice voice rather than the whining voice”, really helps a small child along.

3.Beat the whine: If possible take control of the whining before it starts. Children usually whine because they are unable to articulate their feelings and display it more in behaviour. Therefore be aware of their surroundings or understand if children are tired, this sort of behaviour can easily trigger undesirable behaviour.

4.Watch the diet: In children, diet and behaviour are closely related. The more sugar induced foods that your child consumes the more irrational your child will become. They are unable to deal with the sugar high and the crashing lows and the bad behaviour ensues from it.  
Children’s whining and complaining can frazzle anyone’s nerves and leave them in states of utter despair. But by giving into their irrational queries you accomplish nothing, their bad behaviour continues and you’ve taken a few steps back into the intricate game of parenting. In the longterm it will pay to stick to your guns and nip the whining tantrum in the bud, for it might seem impossible at that moment but eventually your children will get the message. Stay strong, banish the whine!

By Mayuri Jayasinghe