Criminal Statistics

Crime: Bitten finger, splotch of blood, no contact with bone

Time/Venue: 3.00am, Nursery

Victim: 34 year old Asian Female, answers to “Mother”

Offender: 14 month old Asian male, is commonly referred to as “Baby”, vehemently denies any involvement in said crime.

Witnesses: A fluffy one eyed teddy Bear and a luminous green plastic frog, they both seem to have lost the ability to speak.

Innocent until proven guilty!

It was dark, the overhead fan whirred, its blades enticingly pulling me into its elliptical haze. The wooden clown clock in the nursery tick tocked loudly as the big hand reached 3.00am, I’ve been drinking..I’ve been drinking…milk that is 180ml of rick luscious creamy formula and now I need to be burped. I get gassy when that milk gets into my blood stream and now I’ve been thinking I need Mummy. There’s a light wind blowing and a few branches off the mango tree taps on my nursery window…in the dark eerie night with only the moonlight to guide me, those branches look like fingers and is that really Teddy in the corner? He seems bigger in the  white light with those green sinister glassy eyes..YIKES..okay enough peace and quiet, let me hallow for Mum. “Yo Mummy!, what’s up, its three am and I need some burping!”. Gosh something’s happened to Mother dearest, she looks quite disheveled, have we been partying all night Mother dear..oh yeah forgot that Pater and Mater were shaking a leg at something called a Big Match party, a Royal-Tho debacle..who won anyways?

Enough good times now Mother darling, rub that mascara out of your eyes, get with the parenting program and start looking after your child. As Mum puts me on her shoulder and gives my back a pat, I feel a funny explosion in my mouth…interesting, did I leave some food in there to eat later, I forget. My gums are tingling, shall stuff some fingers in my mouth and see if that helps alleviate the strange sensation..nope I feel the need to bite something, Plastic  teething frog is so far away, I see him sitting there on the window sill, useless fellow, Mummy did acquire him for such moments as these, and now he’s so faraway. Ah wait there’s Mummy’s hand, all soft and warm, got her finger now hold on old boy, this might be a good thing to bite. Right finger securely in place. Mother dosing off, jaws open, gums and new teeth ready, SNAP…SCREAM..the scream wasn’t from me, it was Mummy. Just Dad comes running in, lights on, Big Sister wailing..Mother with finger wrapped in a blanket, such a drama queen looks at me with accusing eyes. HEY it wasn’t me, she was dreaming I was just sitting there in need of a burp. Could someone call my lawyers, I’m innocent I say..just ask the Plastic teething Frog!

Why do Babies need to be burped after a feed?

Your baby burps to release little bubbles of air that become trapped in her stomach. These bubbles can make her uncomfortable and grizzly. By burping your baby, you help her to free up room in her tummy, so she can settle and feed for longer.

Burping can also help your baby if she:

-often brings up a little of her milk after feeds (posset)
-is colicky
-has reflux

How can I make my baby stop biting?

A normal phase of biting is very characteristic of babies, and generally will pass on its own. People do not like to be bitten, so their spontaneous look of annoyance certainly communicates the natural message--"Hey! Don't do that!" Trying to negotiate or discipline or correct the behavior of a baby this young is likely to backfire however. Your only goal is to try to distract your son or move out of reach or somehow shift the action so that it is about something else. You can say softly, "No no no. No biting people!" but your main goal is simply to change the channel. 

Text by Mayuri Jayasinghe