When living with children, privacy is not a concept that exists in our household. My children’s teachers know all that is to know about my husband and myself from probably how much we weighed at birth to how much sugar we take in our coffees. Yes our lives are an open book to any outsider thanks to our children who divulge any tit bit of information they are privy to.
Of course you say they are children and you cannot blame them for their forthrightness. But to avoid situations where in the middle of a family visit to have your three year old scream ‘My mommy thinks that Athamma should stop watching teledramas and instead babysit the children, so that Daddy and her can go out’, is a gut wrenching and mortifying jolt to the system.
As you sheepishly grin and try to recover from the situation all the while claiming ‘Don’t be silly, I never said that you misheard me’, the time has dawned to teach the children about privacy and personal space.
No crossing Boundaries
Age can be misleading. Sometimes you think your toddler is really not listening to the conversation that your friend and you are having, but once they are able to speak, you will be amazed at what words they can pick up and what they can easily repeat to someone else. So if you are having a private conversation, keep it private don’t over look the toddler in the corner.
For older children, you can explain what privacy and personal space is. It is important as they grow up for them to establish their own personal space and not encourage or allow strangers to step beyond the boundaries, especially in common changing areas, toilets etc. Explain to your child that this is their personal space and they need to bring it to someone’s attention if they are constantly being disturbed.
In your own house, on your own turf you are allowed to have your own opinions and views whether they be right or wrong. Instill in your children that what is discussed in the family stays in the family unless otherwise said.
Of course you should also convey to your children that some secrets are not to be kept private. If a stranger asks them not to divulge information about harming somebody or causing public destruction or for any other wrongful act, they are not correctly practicing the concept of privacy. Sometimes you need to have secrets but not at the expense of others.
At home establish the basic principles of personal space, always remember to knock before entering a bedroom, if Mum is in the toilet do not bang questions and queries through the door. In the same time, if your child is old enough to have their own room, respect their requests for privacy. You cannot just preach it, you also have to practice what you preach.
As my husband says, telling my older daughter anything is like publishing it in the news. But, as with everything children need to be taught what’s acceptable or not. In their innocent forthrightness, they feel eager to share all that they know with anyone who comes along.
Censoring this barrage of information is important to our benefit and results in the peaceful harmony of everyday. Between you and me, no one ever said parenting was a piece of cake, keep that private!
By Mayuri Jayasinghe
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