I am a worrier. I am a Parent. In my defense before I had kids my worries teetered upon whether I should do my nails in “red” or “pink”. Yes it might seem quite fastidious of me, but I am trying to prove a point. Now my scare free moments are spent in waves of intensifying states of worry. I worry that my twelve year old who has newly been presented with a smartphone and now has access to the world wide Internet will fall prey to the perils within, whether my son's nonchalant attitude to everything in life including grades is hopefully just a phase, (fingers crossed) or whether my six year old is eating right and lastly am I in some way traumatizing  my three year old for life since she has to put up with a mother who is in a constant state of worry. 

Dear Parent, you get my drift. As our children enter this world and take over ours we are suddenly pushed into the mode or protector and thus do everything in our power to raise them right. Unfortunately with no Jedi “Parental” force to guide us, we are left to do it for by ourselves. Yes I agree, more worry. But research has found that the key to raising children right might not lie in the children completely but it might also include certain behavior from us Parents as well.

Here are are few characteristics of Parents whose children turn out just fine! 

1. They teach their children independence: This means that these parents demand that their children do chores. Now if your child is not picking up their dirty socks, then that means that there is someone else doing it for them. This not a successful way to instill values of independence, self sufficiency in children. Despite the help at home, get your children involved in their daily up keep, get them to put put their uniforms, pack extra sports bags and the older ones can get more involved in helping with the overall running of household. These simple lessons taught of self sufficiency are useful for their futures. 

2. They teach their children social skills: A study done by Duke University  in the U.S showed that there was a direct correlation between children with a higher social intelligence and the success acquired in their adult years. Some children are naturally socially emphatic, with others we need to cajole and introduce them to that world. We, being the parents must teach them about charity, about kindness, about acceptance of all, for whatever the differences. As parents we need to practice what we preach, for the children learn better through example than any sermon told. 

3. They have high expectations: Yes it is great to encourage your child during their formative years, but at a certain age and maturity you must convey to the child that as a parent you have expectations. You expect them to do well in school, sports, music etc. You expect them to commit themselves to follow through on their commitment. This sense of healthy expectation fuels the child to do better to succeed, for they have that voice within them, the Parent silently edging them on. 

4. They have relationships with their children: Yes our children enter our worlds, and we feel them to be extensions of ourselves. We feel we know whats best and we have their best interests at heart and thus they must follow our heed with out argument. But in reality our children are not extensions of ourselves, but instead are completely different human beings with their own thoughts, yes influenced by us, but molded and cemented by the influences they choose to follow. Make the time, take the moment, do a fun activity together and just as you spend time developing your child intellectually spend time developing your friendship. 

5. They are less stressed: As Parent we feel that we are doing right by our kids when we spend as must time we can with them. But studies in fact show, this parental attitude known as “intense mothering” can actually backfire. Being with your child 24/7 can fluctuate your levels of stress to infinity. All humour aside, we are only human beings and being constantly pushed in all directions cause us to be stressed and act out stress, children feel our stress, they feel our bad moods, our anger. This infact can affect then adversely. So develop your own interests, work if you can, but concentrate on a more happier and comfortable you,which in turn will result in more happier children. 

Therefore the solution is evident.. or at least part of it. Raising our children right starts with the ways in which we decide to parent ourselves. Better parents make better children. Let's get this right, we've only got one shot! 

By Mayuri Jayasinghe