The Perfect Parent Does Not Exist 

With the New Year holidays amongst us, our roles as parents will surely be tested. Yes we sigh in relief at the break from school pressures, but now faced with entertaining the kids on these hot days we will surely have our patience throughly tested. On really tiresome days where the children are grumpy and I am overtired with resolving the umpteenth fight, I truly wonder if I am cut out to be a parent?  How lovely for a life of late mornings where I sleep in, have a successful career and take off on spontaneous trips at my whim. Despite the number of tips and advice books out there, it is up to you to put your heart and soul into it. I know of friends who will spend hours on end with their children attending to their every need while there are others who’ll spend a good ten minutes and be off on their next project. Neither person can be deemed a good or a bad parent, they provide for their children, they care for them, their children’s safety and well-being is their utmost priority. 

In my opinion, I don’t think I am naturally born to be a parent, but I am not a bad parent, the moment I knew I was pregnant with each of my children my fierce motherly instincts set in, I would protect them to the day I die. A mother’s love is a force not to be reckoned with. It is the stuff in-between, their growing years, that I hope I get right. I say I’m not naturally born to be a parent, because the reality is that even though I love my children, parenting does become a chore. The endless days of packing lunchboxes, stopping fights, ferrying kids to and fro gets tedious. When you’re a parent you don’t have a day off, it’s a constant twenty four seven situation. Knowing that these things irritate me I strive harder to make these parent years fun and memorable for my children, after all my greatest gift would be for my children to say at the end of it all they had a great mum. 

These are some guidelines that I live by in the hope that it makes me a better parent. 

1. Always love your child unconditionally and express that love and concern for them. In Asian cultures we sometimes feel actions speak louder than words, but actions might not always send the right messages. Say it as often as you can. 

2. As children are growing up they need a lot of praise to build their self-worth and confidence. It doesn’t hurt when you are an adult to know that you’re doing the right thing also. Praise your children at any age. 

3. In smaller children try and avoid criticism and focus on what causes the behavior. Children are works in progress, it is up to us to mold them in their formative years. Nothing is accomplished by you endless criticizing them. 

4. Be a good role model. Your children are sponges they absorb all that you do and say, make yourself a better person, treat your spouse with respect, have good morals and values, these are priceless lessons to teach your children. 

5. Provide safety and security for your children. Run an organized household, it is important for children to have consistency in their lives, they are no used to surprises. Make them feel that home is the best and safest place to be. 

Of course I might be horribly wrong, but instinct is telling me this is the best way to bring up my children. It is not taboo to admit that parenting is tough and difficult. You certainly will not be deemed a wayward parent. Infact I believe by accepting the fact that parenting does not come naturally to you and being willing to work on is a true example of unconditional love for your kids. You are always trying to be better for them and that is what makes you a great parent! 

By Mayuri Jayasinghe