When asked "Why did you hit your sister?” or “Why did you tear up your nice drawing?” or "Why did you not take part in the game?”, the answer always comes back a resounding "Because I was ANGRY”. My children seem to have anger issues. As their mother I fear the worst, my parenting is diabolical and I must have miserably failed as a parent to produce angry hurtful children. It is probably all my fault for all that screaming I do, it seems not to be a productive way for me to behave and now my children are delinquents as a result of it. Now hold back parents, do not unnecessarily beat yourself over a completely natural emotion that our children have trouble dealing with. Being angry, unlike being happy or sad doesn’t maintain a constant flow of emotion and dissipate slowly but infact it has a life of its own. It starts off with a mere annoyance building up to frustration and charging like the tethered bull in the arena into full blown anger. 

As our children grow from those beautiful bouncing babies, into mischievous toddlers and into moody children it is up to us to guide them along on this emotion filled journey. They are children after all, they have no control over themselves, as adults we come equipped with knowledge and rather than punish the child for being angry we should help them work themselves through it. Here are some ways to help your child deal with their anger: 

1. Anger as an indicator tool : Anger will definitely pinpoint a problem but it will not solve it. We need to teach our children that by getting angry they are identifying a problem that needs to be addressed and by being angry and acting in an anger fueled passion, for example hitting your sister because she troubles you, doesn’t solve the problem. It only exacerbates it and then more punishable actions develop. Anger is not an easy emotion to handle, but when you see them getting anger offer then other methods of dealing with the problem. 

2. Watch out for cues : Sometimes children act out and they are not aware that their actions stem from anger. They are unaware that they have pushed or shoved someone because they are frustrated or angry. Teach your children about what anger is and what steps they can take to handle it before it becomes full blown. 

3. Action Plan : When your child is aware that the flustered feelings they are experiencing is indeed anger them give some tips to overcome it: 

- Step away from the annoying situation 

- Take a deep breath count to ten 

- Picture in their heads a calming picture 

4. Once your child has realized the fact that they are angry and have stepped away from the disturbance then teach them ways of dealing with the anger constructively. There are three positive choices they can make 

- Talk about their anger 

- Ask for help from someone else 

- Slow and down and think what they are doing 

This is not always easy to follow, but these are life lessons that they can adopt and utilize as they get older and the realities of life are not always peaceful. 

5. Anger is not lesson time: When you child is in the midst of an anger tantrum, then is not the time to teach them the lesson learnt from their bad behavior. It is very tempting for us parents to say, if you would have done it this way or listened to what I said. I am very guilty of it myself. But unfortunately the lesson is lost since they are full of anger. Once the anger tantrum has passed take that time to lecture your child, and since you are calmer as well, it is will be a more positive experience. 

Children are not always well behaved and parenting days tend to long and hard. Anger usually makes a presence at sometime during the day, least when you expect it. Be prepared for the worst and be ready to battle the storm at least until your child learns how to deal with their emotions. Happy parenting! 

By Mayuri Jayasinghe