Is There Enough “PARENT” To Go Around? 

We are halfway through the holidays and I am still holding strong, a little crumpled around the edges but sanity and good humour intact. Because with four children at home, everybody want a piece of me! Being a parent to even one child is hard enough, the difficulties are enhanced when you have more than one child for the workload is multiplied; the problems are many and there are too many people vying for your attention. Who does everyone turn to when times are good or bad, when squabbles are plenty or just when they want a hug? I really am stretched to the limit. Everything we do is done in a group, it’s messy and chaotic and most times by the end of the project I’ve lost my patience and the troublemakers are given some timeouts. 

When also dealing with a group of children, there also exists the timid child that usually tends to get ambushed for attention by the more loud and dominant ones. I always feel for my younger daughter, who has to go along with the decisions of the older two or is constantly told to “wait a minute” whilst I finish with the others and usually “the minute” gets forgotten till tomorrow. The reality is that there’s only one me, and rather than be in a constant battle to be there for ALL my children.. So it’s imperative I get it right in these formative years, here are some ways of successfully being there for your child. 

1. Personality Matters 

As the parent you know your children inside and out. You know who’s the happy child, who’s the complainer and who’s the easygoing one. All my children exude their own personalities, whilst the oldest will scream for attention, my son would rather spend time alone and the younger one just wants to be close even if I don’t speak to her. So knowing that, approach each child differently, the demanding ones get given tasks and then you can turn your attention to the ones who most need it. 

2. Birth Order 

A disadvantage of being the youngest is that as a parent you would have gotten quite complacent with dealing in a child’s milestones by the time they get to you. I remember with my oldest, with each step she took, the first tooth she lost, the first word she said, was photographed immensely, recorded in several books etc, but with the third and fourth we all squeal with delight when it does happen, but quite nonchalantly move on to the next thing at hand. It is important to give your child the due attention that they crave otherwise resentment and self-pity starts to rear its ugly head, and their personalities get moulded accordingly. 

3. Tea And Cupcakes 

Whenever possible take just one child out for a milkshake and cupcake, it’s not about the food itself, but what the food entails. For spending that time alone you start to instigate conversation and thus help your child open up to talk to you about things that they find important. Since most of the busy days you are telling them which book to take, what to eat, what time to go for class etc, you are too busy running the day to really stop and talk to the child. 

4. One Chore At A Time 

As the children get older assign a chore that they can be responsible to help you with. For example, when I cook dinner I usually get my son to help me whilst the older one keeps an eye on the baby. Each one enjoys the task given and they also take relish in helping me with it. I use that time to teach them some new skills and also spend some one on one time with them. 

5. Personality Clash 

Sometimes it’s just impossible to find time to spend with each one, especially when you have four. I tend to group the ones that get along together. Lately my son and one of my younger daughters tend to squabble over any little thing. So until that phase blows over I keep them separate when it comes to task time as much as possible. Be it going for a walk or doing the groceries taking two that don’t argue is essential, for we can all have a moment of collective fun. 

Of course when dealing with children it is never cut and dry and each solution depends on your family. But these are some that do work for me because the children feel that they don’t have to fight for my time and I in turn feel like I’m finally doing something right. Parenting is definitely not a walk in the park! 

By Mayuri Jayasinghe 
Photographs courtesy Google